The true springs up in the same soil as the good: their roots communicate. Broken from the common root and therefore less in contact with the soil, one or the other suffers; the soul grows anemic or the mind wilts. On the contrary, by feeding the mind on truth one enlightens the conscience, by fostering good one guides knowledge.
- A.J. Sertillanges "The Intellectual Life"
More often than not this blog springs from my own life - my struggles, my learning, my musings. Recently it has often come from my own exploration of how Classical learning relates to everyday life. Its been a while since I've written anything, mostly because the last couple months have been an internal struggle with my current text - and the realities of my life.
Originally published in 1948 and written by a devout conservative Catholic, I knew going into "The Intellectual Life" there were bound to be cultural and theological differences. That is simply the nature of reading any work - you take the good with the bad; you allow those things with which you disagree to strengthen and challenge you, learning from them, and humbly tweak where you may fall short. There were minor points I had no issues overlooking. I actually greatly enjoyed most of what he had to say and had pages of notes - until I hit page 44:
Originally published in 1948 and written by a devout conservative Catholic, I knew going into "The Intellectual Life" there were bound to be cultural and theological differences. That is simply the nature of reading any work - you take the good with the bad; you allow those things with which you disagree to strengthen and challenge you, learning from them, and humbly tweak where you may fall short. There were minor points I had no issues overlooking. I actually greatly enjoyed most of what he had to say and had pages of notes - until I hit page 44:
"Whether she achieve something herself or through her husband, what does it matter? She must still achieve since she is but one flesh with him who achieves. Without needing to be herself an intellectual, still less a woman of letters or a bluestocking, she can produce much by helping her husband to produce....."
I practically threw my tablet across the room. Had it been in paperback form, I probably would have. That hit a nerve - one that was more raw than I had realized. I can usually handle patriarchal ideals within their historical and cultural context - but this had me down right angry. I put down the tablet, and didn't open the book back up for days while I fumed. I also did some soul searching - Why had it hit so hard? What about that statement evoked such a strong response?
The answer was really quite simple - because it hit at exactly the underlying issue I've had in many areas of life. I love my family. I love my husband and children, and like most woman will do anything for them. It has been my choice to give up my career to support my husband's, and forgoing my formal education to educate my children. I know I am doing what I need to do right now and I am happy to do it. In spite of that, I've been slowly dying inside. Each year brings more feelings of being trapped, being unappreciated, and feeling guilty for feeling that way. Our Christian family speakers, bloggers, and writers tell of how we must find joy in the day-to-day grind of being a wife and mother. Homeschool advocates talk about enjoying every minute of this journey - yet each passing year, month, and day that becomes harder and harder. I've been dying, strangling, gasping for air while doing all the things I'm "supposed" to be doing.
The answer was really quite simple - because it hit at exactly the underlying issue I've had in many areas of life. I love my family. I love my husband and children, and like most woman will do anything for them. It has been my choice to give up my career to support my husband's, and forgoing my formal education to educate my children. I know I am doing what I need to do right now and I am happy to do it. In spite of that, I've been slowly dying inside. Each year brings more feelings of being trapped, being unappreciated, and feeling guilty for feeling that way. Our Christian family speakers, bloggers, and writers tell of how we must find joy in the day-to-day grind of being a wife and mother. Homeschool advocates talk about enjoying every minute of this journey - yet each passing year, month, and day that becomes harder and harder. I've been dying, strangling, gasping for air while doing all the things I'm "supposed" to be doing.
And I'm not the only one. Weekly, sometimes daily, I talk to other moms, especially homeschooling Moms who feel the same way. We are constantly met with encouragement to "find joy", "its only temporary", "some day you will look back....", "but you are doing such a great job". We go home to struggle through another week....another month....another year.
A year ago I began a journey back into an intellectual life. When I picked up that first book to read for myself - not to help with school, church, children, marriage - I couldn't put it down. I felt like a man who had been without water for days who finally found a cool well. I found my heart and my soul reviving in a way I had forgotten it was capable of living. Through the summer I spent my afternoons reading great philosophical works and listening to amazing teachers. But, once we got back to a full homeschool schedule, I had to stop, again. There just wasn't time for my "extra" work on top of the jobs of homemaker, wife, educator, and mom, and I slowly began sinking back into a spiritual asthma - gasping for air to breath.
Its been the last month when the heart of the issue has started coming together. My marriage hit a large bump that has us re-evaluating and discussing hard issues - including my deteriorating mental and spiritual state. A simple comment from my oldest about her Nietzsche Philosophy assignment led to a discussion about the Westminster Shorter Catechism question 1: "What is the primary purpose of man? The primary purpose of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." She and I discussed how the only way to find joy and contentment is to satisfy our created nature - which is to glorify God. The moment we do something to make ourselves feel good, even if we do it to feel good about serving God, we are no longer serving God, but ourselves - and thus not fulfilling our purpose. It was a comment a friend made several days later about "finding joy in homemaking" that got me thinking.... Where does this joy come from? Can we find it? and Why are so many moms lacking it?
Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It comes from the Spirit's work in our heart and soul. It is a product of God's work on our hearts. It isn't something we can find. It isn't something we can produce on our own. In order to produce that fruit we must be connected to the root. We need the nurishment and support of the Root in order to produce anything. If we aren't producing fruit, then we are not connected to the life giving sustenance that enables production. Jesus calls himself that root and it is the Holy Spirit takes that nourishment and produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. When we tell moms to "find joy" or to "be patient" we are missing the root problem! If those things are not evident in a Christian woman, it is because she is cut off. Something is broken with her connection to Christ.
Its been the last month when the heart of the issue has started coming together. My marriage hit a large bump that has us re-evaluating and discussing hard issues - including my deteriorating mental and spiritual state. A simple comment from my oldest about her Nietzsche Philosophy assignment led to a discussion about the Westminster Shorter Catechism question 1: "What is the primary purpose of man? The primary purpose of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." She and I discussed how the only way to find joy and contentment is to satisfy our created nature - which is to glorify God. The moment we do something to make ourselves feel good, even if we do it to feel good about serving God, we are no longer serving God, but ourselves - and thus not fulfilling our purpose. It was a comment a friend made several days later about "finding joy in homemaking" that got me thinking.... Where does this joy come from? Can we find it? and Why are so many moms lacking it?
Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It comes from the Spirit's work in our heart and soul. It is a product of God's work on our hearts. It isn't something we can find. It isn't something we can produce on our own. In order to produce that fruit we must be connected to the root. We need the nurishment and support of the Root in order to produce anything. If we aren't producing fruit, then we are not connected to the life giving sustenance that enables production. Jesus calls himself that root and it is the Holy Spirit takes that nourishment and produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. When we tell moms to "find joy" or to "be patient" we are missing the root problem! If those things are not evident in a Christian woman, it is because she is cut off. Something is broken with her connection to Christ.
So, how do we stay connected to Christ? Jesus answers that in Matthew 23:37 when he refers back to the first Commandment: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
What is our primary purpose? To Glorify God.
How do we do that? By loving him with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind.
What is our primary purpose? To Glorify God.
How do we do that? By loving him with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind.
It was that last item that hit me - All our mind. The conservative church is very good at encouraging women to love God with all their heart and soul. We have "women's bible studies" that appeal to the emotions and heart. We have "women's outreaches" where we make women feel good about what they are doing and roles they are playing. It is that last part "all our mind" that is neglected. Like Sertillanges, the conservative church, and evangelical theology, often inadvertently make the assumption that a Titus 2 woman can live her intellectual life through her husband. The problem? I am not my husband. My heart and soul do not belong to my husband. My relationship with God effects my relationship with my husband, but it is my relationship with God - not his. His intellectual life, his efforts to love God with his mind do not take the place of my intellectual life and my efforts to love God with my mind. I am a separate, unique, child of God, called by His name, created in his image - and my mind must be just as trained for God as my husband's.
This last part came to me as we were discussing the topic of women's ordination. Before I knew what I was saying, I told my husband, "I don't mind the idea that maybe I shouldn't preach. I don't mind that maybe I should not have an ordained leadership role in the church. I mind being treated as if I am incapable of it. Too often, that is how the church treats woman - as if because we don't hold those roles, we are incapable of it and it is unnecessary for us to have the same training, understanding, and discussions as men." In that moment, I felt my heart and soul sing as my mind made the missing connection. In putting aside my personal intellectual life, I had put aside one of the necessary ways I need to love God. There can be no joy where we are not fulfilling our created purpose, and my mind has been created to learn, grow, think, wrestle, and understand God. My heart and my soul are not enough. I tell my children we educate our minds to shape our souls, but had completely failed to recognize I need the same thing.
This last part came to me as we were discussing the topic of women's ordination. Before I knew what I was saying, I told my husband, "I don't mind the idea that maybe I shouldn't preach. I don't mind that maybe I should not have an ordained leadership role in the church. I mind being treated as if I am incapable of it. Too often, that is how the church treats woman - as if because we don't hold those roles, we are incapable of it and it is unnecessary for us to have the same training, understanding, and discussions as men." In that moment, I felt my heart and soul sing as my mind made the missing connection. In putting aside my personal intellectual life, I had put aside one of the necessary ways I need to love God. There can be no joy where we are not fulfilling our created purpose, and my mind has been created to learn, grow, think, wrestle, and understand God. My heart and my soul are not enough. I tell my children we educate our minds to shape our souls, but had completely failed to recognize I need the same thing.
Home, work, school, and marriage put a heavy load on the shoulders of homeschooling women. There is little time in the day for her to care for her basic needs of food and clothing, no less spiritual and intellectual growth. Yet, those are the areas many, if not most, churches and families neglect. We stick women in 2 hours, once a week, feel-good, practical "Bible studies" (with childcare) and pat ourselves on the back for meeting her needs. Family devotions, christian music in the house, maybe a podcast or 2, and she should be good to go. In healthier families, Mom may even get an hour or so once a week to get out on her own. It isn't enough!
I don't know if anyone will make it this far. This has been long. I don't normally address men - but if even one husband can hear this, it will be worthwhile. If your wife can't find joy, if she is short tempered, if she isn't exhibiting the Fruits of the Spirit - listen to her. Love her as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. She is cut off from her Root. Do not expect her to demonstrate Fruit if you are not working with her, enabling her, and helping her to stay connected to the Root for her own heart, soul, and mind. If you have time for uninterrupted study, for contemplation, for personal growth, and she does not, your family is not working. Your marriage is failing her. She is starving, and those short tempers, the sadness, and the tears are the cries of a dying woman.
A couple days ago I picked-up "The Intellectual Life Again". This time I could read it with the attention and wisdom it deserves. I can look past the double-standard and know "I was created for this too". I am making changes. We are making changes. The mail this week should bring our next read (the "our" is important, 1st person plural, for both husband and wife) - a book we discovered has been on both of our reading lists. I can feel the life beginning to return. I am beginning to rediscover the joy of the mundane day-to-day tasks and the patience for homeschooling life. This dying soul is reviving with intellectual life.
"God is our only Master...It is not with the eyes, nor with the ears, that one hears a great saying, it is with a soul on the level of what is revealed to it, with an intelligence illuminated by One and the same Light." - A.J. Sertillanges "The Intellectual Life"
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