Thursday, February 28, 2013

Shelters in the Midst of the Storms

The rain pounded the windows and wind whipped around the house as we worked on our lessons yesterday. Twice I ran outside to chase a flying garbage can, only to have it go flying off the back patio again. During one particularly violent gust of whistling wind a child looked at me and said, "Mommy, its scary out there." I gave her a hug and thanked God for a sturdy, warm house to shelter my children in.

Last night we walked into a different type of storm. At the closing of announcements, our pastor stood and asked the adults to meet in the sanctuary to pray for a local family after children had been taken to their classes. I saw five faces look at me and ask, "Mommy, what happened?" I felt my heart drop because I knew I needed to tell them something. I realized my 12 year old was heading up to youth group where all the other teens would know what had happened. I had no idea how closely connected other children were to the previous nights events - and I had failed to prepare my children for what they could be hearing. I looked at my 4 year old and thought "There is no reason why she should have to hear something like this."  I quietly said, "Last night a grandma and two very little boys died. We will talk more about it when we get home."

I want my children to have a childhood. I want them to be able to grow, learn, laugh and play without the overwhelming burdens of this world. But sometimes, no matter what I do as a parent, the world creeps its way into their lives. I cannot shield them forever from the world, nor is it healthy for them to be overly protected from the effects of sin. One day, they must leave our home and go out into the world without me - and they need to be ready.

They need to hear that the safe, loving two-parent home they are growing up in is not the way many, or even most, children live. They need to understand that not everyone treats others with the love, respect, care and commitment that we require of them. They need to experience that choices have consequences. That sometimes those consequences are far reaching and are devastating to ourselves and others. They need to be ready to experience whatever life will bring their way, and it is my job to prepare them.

At home we spend a lot of time talking about God's love, grace and mercy; that He is always with us no matter what happens. They experience the effects of sin with every disagreement, squabble, angry moment, and selfish action. We teach forgiveness and extending God's grace to each other. They know that life isn't always fair and brings things we'd rather it did not: daddies are deployed, mommies get sad, children get sick and die.  They have played with a neighbor's foster baby, helped pack shoe boxes for children without basic necessities, and bought toys for prisoner's children. We have talked about abortion, friends who live between two home due to divorce , terrorism and injustice. At every step I reassure them that God has an amazing plan that at times is very hard to understand. We teach them that it is man's sinful nature that causes all these things to happen, but we have a God who sacrificed himself so that one day we may live with Him and all these things will cease.

But sometimes it just comes too close to home and as their mother I need to find the delicate balance between sheltering hearts and minds that are not fully ready to experience what sin can do and preparing them to face a world full of evil.

So last night I brought them home and put the 2 youngest to bed with a lot of hugs, kisses, songs and prayers. I walked into our 7 year old's room and simply said, "Bud, last night a grandma and her 2 grandsons were killed. People at church know the family and are very sad. The pastor is talking with the parents and people are taking them meals. We need to pray for a very sad mommy and daddy." More prayers and hugs and I turned off the light and left the room.

Next was the older girls. As I walked in, the 12 year old looked at me, pale and eyes full of tears. "Mommy, I heard what happened"

"I know." I said, "but I need to tell your sisters and we need to talk about it."

I looked at the other two and explained, "There is a man who takes care of the grounds around the church. He has 2 little boys, 6 months and 2 years old. Last night they were supposed to be celebrating the 2 year old's birthday. The children's grandma has a disease called Bipolar Disorder where sometimes she is very, very happy, but sometimes she is very, very sad. She was supposed to pick up the children from their daycare and take them home for the birthday party. Instead, she picked them up, drove to a nearby town and shot the children and herself."

My heart broke for those parents. My heart broke for my crying children, who had never dreamed something like that could happen. We talked for a while, I gave them hugs and reassured them that even in an awful thing like this, God has a plan. He loves those parents, the children and the grandmother. I explained even when we can't understand why He allows things to happen, we can trust Him and show His love to others. I assured them that those parents love God and He will hold them up - and our church will walk right beside them.

I gave hugs, listened to prayers and headed downstairs - thanking God for being our shelter during Storms because "Daddy, God, it is scary out there."

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Sacrifice of Parenthood

My amazing husband took all the children out for the entire day. Yes, all 6 of them, by himself, for the whole day. As they closed the door behind them this morning, I faced an eerily quiet house and realized - I had no idea what to do with myself. Bob left with instructions to relax and enjoy myself, so school and housework were out. I decided to start with a long, hot shower - with no interruptions, heads peeking around the curtain or shrieks from the other room hurrying me out. Then, because I still didn't know what to do, I folded laundry (housework I know, but I was bored!) while watching a British period drama. As the program ended I realized what I really wanted to do.

During our second honeymoon last fall, I had the opportunity to discover a hobby I really enjoy. It is something I know very little about, to be honest, but puts my creative side to work and I could, if I chose to, incorporate the children into it. Today would be a great day to begin experimenting and learning about my new found interest! There is one big problem. This hobby requires one basic piece of equipment, which I do not own, that is quite expensive. So while watching the credits roles I became very frustrated...and the brain started going in a direction it should not go.

I've been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years now. I've been "officially" home schooling for 8 years, but in all honesty I have been doing that for 12 years also. In that time I have been through 4 churches which I served as "pastor's wife", 5 moves- one which I did without Bob around, 5 more pregnancies, 5 vehicles, countless emergency room visits, hundreds of nights alone waiting for Bob to return from serving others, and even more hundreds of sleepless nights with babies and sick children. There have been the meals skipped, old clothes worn, nasty cloth diapers used and changed, and outings passed over just to make ends meet.  I looked around the house and saw toys that are never played with, video games and consoles I don't enjoy, videos that are never watched, and books that have been read once and never touched again. It just doesn't seem fair. After everything I have sacrificed and given - I can't do the one thing I want to do on my one day off in months, because of several hundred dollars. Its not like we can even budget to save for it because the truck needs new tires and the check engine light is on, children need new clothes, food and gas prices are skyrocketing, taxes are going up, curriculum needs to be purchased...and the list goes on, and on, and on. It just isn't fair!

And then I stopped myself, because thinking like that isn't helpful. It serves no purpose and ultimately is very selfish. This is not the life I would have chosen for myself, but it is the life God has blessed me with. I don't make all of those sacrifices in the hopes that I'll someday be rewarded or paid back. I do it because I need to. I do it because I love my husband and children. I do it because I want to serve a God who has sacrificed everything for me....oh, wait.

I have a heavenly Father who sacrificed EVERYTHING....for me....whose heart is whining and complaining because I can't do one thing, right now, when I want to. He gave me a husband who loves me. And how many people do I know who have never had someone love them like Bob loves me?  He gave me 6 incredible children, while so many people would give everything to have even one. He placed us in a nation where I can legally educate my children in the way I feel is best, while other families live in fear of having their children removed, heavy fines and jail time. I have a warm house to enjoy on this chilly day, while so many people are struggling to find a corner to hide from the wind. I am healthy, while so many people can't leave a hospital room. I have a dresser full of clothes to wear, while others would love to have a coat and pair of shoes. I have a Father who gave up His Son, so that I could live.

That several hundred dollars doesn't seem so important anymore. Yes, we sacrifice a lot as parents, but it is nothing compared to the sacrifice our Heavenly Father has made for us and all the other blessings we receive.  So Heavenly Father, forgive my ungrateful heart and selfish desires. Help me to see and focus on all that You have blessed me with and find ways to use them to bless others in return. May my heart, mind and soul desire only to serve You. May it be enough that by Your grace one day I may hope to hear You say, "Well done good and faithful servant."

Friday, February 15, 2013

The Sky is blue....or is it? Our expectations v God's Plan

I was recently asked "Why are so many Christians judgmental? ".  It is a question I have struggled with myself,  mostly because I see so much of it in me. It is one of the biggest complaints non-Christians have with Christians. I have seen it tear apart friendships, marriages, families and churches. We all do it. We are all effected by it. We know we are all flawed, so why are we so quick to judge the imperfections in others, especially those in the world?

It finally hit me. The question answers itself. It is because we are imperfect, we see imperfectly and have imperfect expectations.

I think it is like a child, who after playing outside day after day realizes the sky is always blue. He is curious as to why, so reads and studies to find the explanation. He soon determines that the sky is blue because the way creation works makes it blue. It is beautiful and marvelous how so many things come together to give us a blue sky! He feels he understands what makes it so, glories in this revelation and runs to share it with others. Than one evening, he goes outside, and the sky is red. It is the complete opposite of what his experience and study has told him to expect.


He now has a choice. He can decide decide to ignore the red sky and continue to believe the sky is always blue. He can try to tell the sky that it is not behaving the way it should and must come back into alignment with the laws of nature. or He can recognize that he was wrong in believing the sky is always blue, go back and study and learn more about the sky.

When we judge others, in a way, we have decided to believe that the red sky is not behaving according to the laws that govern it.

As Christians we work, study, and pray to understand God and world around us. We read scripture, listen to pastors and teachers, study the writings of great men and women of God who have gone before us, pray for wisdom and guidance, then draw conclusions about the way things are supposed to be. Often, frequently, we fail to realize, there is much more to it all than we can see, think, or imagine. So when the sky turns red, when people and situations don't work they way they are "supposed" to, we judge them to be working against God. We assume since they don't live up to our experience, understanding and expectations, that they are wrong.

What we fail to recognize, is that maybe we are wrong in our understanding.

Sin and our limited human comprehension prevent us from seeing the entire situation. We claim "The Bible says...", and fail to realize that God has not revealed everything to us. So while what the Bible says is always true, we are missing information. We forget that our human comprehension is flawed, so how we understand God to be may not be what God is.

We yell at the red sky "You are wrong", while God is whispering "You don't know it all". We relish in the purity and whiteness of snow falling from a blue sky, while God says, "At its center, it is a speck of dirt. It is not what is seems."

We preach how the sky is always supposed to be blue. Families are always supposed to have a husband and wife in a life long relationship with respectful obedient children. Singles should be chaste at all times. A mother should never murder her unborn child. We should always forgive, immediately, without hesitation or second thought. Pastors should only preach correct doctrine......and we are technically right. That is the way God has revealed to us it should be.

But the sky does turn red, and it is beautiful, and it is God's plan and design. Marriages break up. Children rebel.  Friendships are destroyed. We can't find it in ourselves to forgive. The pain of life takes longer to heal than we think it should. We can yell at the sky that it needs to turn back to blue with well meant intentions and a desire for restoration, but we aren't going to change it because we don't fully understand it. God is using all the dust, dirt and bent rays of light to His glory. We can call them what they are. We can point out the distortions, but God is using it all to refine, to restore, to give us a glimpse of His unfathomable plan and to demonstrate His glory. We focus on what we see, while God works on the unseen.  Even though the sky isn't blue, He makes it beautiful....

Because God knows something we don't know...

We are wearing sunglasses....

And the sky isn't blue at all.....it is clear...and the blue is only a reflection of Him.




Thursday, February 14, 2013

STOP! In the Name of Love

Last night we spent some time making Valentine hearts with cute encouraging messages to go with the stuffed animals we got for the children. They are sitting on the table waiting to be discovered this morning. After being woken early by snow plows this morning, I got up, dressed and headed downstairs to make Bob breakfast before he left for work. There is more planned for him later in the day, but as he will read this before getting home, I'm not saying what! It's Valentine's Day. The day we go above and beyond to show our love to those special people in our life.

 According to a recent CNN article Americans will spend a whopping $18.6 billion for Valentine's Day - an average of $130.97 per person.


As I flipped pancakes early this morning, I began to wonder...why? Not why am I doing this, but why does it take a special holiday for me to go above and beyond to demonstrate my love for my family and friends? Valentine's Day, anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, and, at least around here, St. Patrick's Day (which I will explain more as the day approaches) we set aside to do special things and buy special gifts. But what about every other day?




Why don't I put more time and energy into doing the same things through out the year, not because it is a special day, but simply because I love them?  Why don't I find the extra $2 to bring home a stuffed animal from Good Will for a child who has had a rough day? Why do I let Bob head to work morning after morning on a bowl of cold cereal?

For me, I think the answer is just simply I get caught up in the day to day business and work of life. I forget. The day-in and day-out demands of family, school, and community push aside those "little things" that could make it all so much nicer for my loved ones.

So I have a challenge for myself, and for you. While the extravagant demonstrations of love are on your mind today, pull out your calendar and randomly choose several days this year to do something extra special for a loved one. Not because it is a special day, but because they are special everyday.

Some ideas:
       - Prepare your spouse's favorite dinner and desert to be    shared by candle light after children have gone to bed.
        - Save your spending money for that thing he/she would really like, but the regular budget won't accommodate  Give it to him/her "just because", not for a birthday or anniversary.
         - Send flowers, just because you love her.
         - mail, not e-mail, him a card to his office
         - show up at school to take your child out to lunch, or for a special afternoon out.
          - arrange to have the house cleaned
          - let a child stay up late to watch a movie or play a game with you.
          - volunteer to play his favorite xbox game with him and provide his favorite snacks and drinks



So be creative and take the time through out the year to Stop life to show some Love. 

Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Princess and the Snow Shovel

I helped Bob shovel our driveway today. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing that will make headlines. We were working side-by-side, toward a common goal, occasionally making small remarks or taking breaks to talk to neighbors, just like many other families in our par.t of the country are today. But, for me, this was big.


This week I have spent quite a bit of time talking with friends who can not share mundane tasks, like shoveling snow, with their husbands. Some are facing or in the midst of deployments. Their husbands are hundreds of feet under water, out of contact for days, weeks and even months at a time. Some are facing separation or divorce.  He walked out, unhappy, looking for something to make life better. For some, it is illness or disability. He cannot help, respond, show true love or affection, or maybe even recognize who his wife is. It is a dark, lonely place to be......and I've been there.

At some point we feel like we are alone in this life we were supposed to share. For many of us our experience isn't as dramatic as what my friends are experiencing. It is a feeling that he just isn't as "in to it" as I am. He'd rather play "Call of Duty" than watch "Grey's Anatomy" with me like he used to.  Those long walks that used to occupy our weekends, are replaced with countless hours in a workshop or at the golf course. He spends evening out at movies or playing video games with friends, while I spend night after night at home alone with a house full of young children. My night out with friends ends with a sink of dirty dishes, toys on the floor and dirty diapers laying on the changing table waiting for me when I return. I watch his eyes light up at the sight of his favorite actress, or the woman passing us on the street, but I can barely get a second look.

We wonder what happened. When did the wonder of marriage, turn into the drudgery of life? When did I become a part of his life, instead of the light of his life?

One of the things I have had to learn the hard way, is that much of the time ---- I am the problem. Don't get me wrong. He is not off the hook!! Our husbands are just as human as we are. They fail. They sin. They make mistakes. I have learned that often, though, my actions, words and attitudes encourage those things in my husband that hurt me the most. It isn't that my Prince Charming has disappeared. It is that Prince Charming is just that - a prince. He is a man. He needs respect and he needs a princess. I quite often am neither.

My "prince" spends his days taking care of others. He listens to their problems, offers advice and counsel and then will listen to them again, and again, and again, as they complain nothing is changing (and no, they did not try any of his suggestions). He listens to men who have been through horrific combat and women who have been abused. It is no wonder he wants to spend some time "killing Nazi's" - ridding the virtual world of evil! Then I get upset because he doesn't want to listen....more...to me.....

My prince spends his days trying to fulfill the demands and requests of others. In civilian ministry it was churches full of people, committees and boards who at times acted as if he should be at their beck-and-call 24/7. Sermons that were too long and too short, too liberal and too conservative. Services that are too contemporary and too traditional. He wasn't at the committee meeting at church and in the surgical waiting room with a family - at the same time. No wonder he wants to come home, choose his own book to read, have his favorite beer, or work on a model he can design. Then I get upset because he didn't take out the trash the way I wanted it done.

My prince, as with most princes, is driven by sight and respect. Every commercial and ad is filled with women in short skirts, tight shirts and high heels - if that. The gym is filled with women who are barely dressed and running, jumping, and lifting. Women come to his office looking for advice, protection and assurance. He becomes their "knight". Then he come home to a wife who feels it has been a good day if she got a shower and put on clean sweats and t-shirt. The same wife who wants to know why he didn't bring home the milk she asked for, complains there isn't enough money for a new toaster and then drops into the opposite side of the bed - still in the same sweats and t-shirt. Then I feel hurt when someone else momentarily grabs his attention.

So often, those loneliest and darkest times of our marriage have happened, in part, because I interfered with his need to be The Man. My attitudes and actions communicated to him that he was not worth my time, energy and respect. He could not work next to me, because I would not walk next to him.

So yes, shoveling snow with My Man is a big deal. I have the joy of being by his side, helping him in his task and enjoying the work of life together. Then I can come inside, settle down and organize children and have a sandwich and coffee ready for him when he comes in. Maybe, after kids are in bed, he will be ready to be My Prince and we can enjoy a quiet conversation and reruns of "Grey's Anatomy"!



Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Hands On Grammar

Yesterday afternoon I decided to stop "beating a dead horse".  Our second child, "The Bunny", struggles with memorization and "flat" learning. After 5 years of grammar instruction, using several curricula, she still struggles to define and label the parts of speech and parts of a sentence. While she can diagram a sentence, she cannot describe what she is doing or why. It is way past time to try something more creative, but I have never seen anything affordable and manageable to make grammar hands-on. Taking some ideas I have seen in grammar books and at conventions, I constructed a hand on, multi-sensory way to diagram a sentence.  We had our first trial run this morning.  Hopefully over time, we will achieve mastery, if not even some enjoyment.

I used sentence strips to create color-coded pockets labeled with each part of speech and its definition.
I tried to keep similar colors with types of words that work together. So nouns are red and adjectives orange; verbs are dark green and adverbs light green.

I used another sentence strip to make a diagram skeleton with the subject in yellow and predicate in green (correlating to the verbs). There is a movable vertical half-line so that it can be used for direct objects, predicate adjectives or predicate nominatives. It is paper clipped now, but will be attached with a brass brad when I buy some.


I then made labels which fit into the pockets to further identify specifically what each word does.  There are labels to distinguish action, linking, helping and state of being verbs (in green); direct and indirect objects (in green to show they are affected by the action of the verb); predicate adjectives and nominatives (in yellow to show they modify the subject).

Finally I created word cards including: all the helping, linking and state-of-being verbs and prepositions she has memorized, basic forms of nouns and action verbs, adverbs, adjectives (including articles), interjections, and conjunctions.  I am also making "rings" that can fit over the cards to change endings. I have several "-s" and " -'s" finished, but will be adding "-ed", "-ing", "-es", "-ies", "-er", "-est" and "-ly".

This morning, I had The Bunny create her own sentence using the words I made. We will add her own words eventually. She came up with "My pink snow sings." (Silly is just more fun!)

We then put each word into its Part of Speech Pocket with any appropriate labels:

Finally we were ready to diagram the sentence.

I created some sentences for her:

"Tiny babies quickly eat milk."


"They could quickly complete school."

Once these simple sentences become easy and she can explain why each word is labeled and placed correctly, we will work up to more complex sentence structures.  At the very least, there were no tears or frustration with grammar this morning and all the children wanted to get in on it. Maybe grammar can be fun!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Forgotten Laundry

Around here, Monday is laundry day. Since so much of my life consists of tasks that are never completed, I do all our laundry on one day. It gives me a sense, that at least once a week, I have finished something. So I begin the week washing, drying, folding 6 to 7 loads of laundry. The children are responsible for bringing their dirty clothes down to the laundry room and getting it sorted, I wash, dry and fold, then they each put their own clothes away. It is a system that works very well for us....most of the time. 

Last night was one of those rare nights where by the time the children were put to bed I had a sense of tired accomplishment. The kitchen was fully cleaned up, floors had been swept, table wiped down and school supplies all on shelves, and laundry done with most of it even put away. It felt good to have everything put together....until I went upstairs to put our two youngest to bed. They are still too little to bring their laundry basket downstairs, so either I or one of the older children do it for them, and then they sort it. I walked into their room, and sitting in the middle of the floor was an overflowing basket of dirty laundry. 
I had started bringing their laundry downstairs, was interrupted, put down the basket and forgot about it. 

So much for having everything cleaned up.

While staring at that forgotten load, I heard that "still small voice" tell me how much that load of laundry is like my life. I can think I have my life put together, cleaned up, but somewhere is lurking that forgotten "dirty load". Maybe it is a big load I just don't want to deal with - unjust anger, forgiveness  lust, jealousy.  It sits there in the middle of my heart, but it is easier for the time being to overlook it and put off dealing with it until later. I can even stick it in a corner to hide it from others for a period of time. I know I will have to deal with it eventually, but just don't want to now. 

Maybe it is a something smaller, a dirty sock under the bed, that isn't bothering anyone. No one knows it is there. It isn't hurting anyone to know its there and it may seem better that way. Maybe it is a lustful thought, a "little white lie" I told to protect someone's feelings, the extra change a cashier gave me that I failed to return. Maybe it is a dirty diaper shoved under the couch - a one-night stand, or forbidden kiss, I don't think anyone else will ever know about; that "one more drink" that is becoming 2, 3 or 4 on a regular basis; that website no one knows I enjoy visiting. 

The problem with all dirty laundry is eventually it begins to stink. It doesn't matter why it is there, what my intentions were or if anyone else can see it - eventually it will make itself known. It may slowly eat away at my relationship with God, my husband, my children or friends. It may jump out and demand immediate attention when I least expect it. It may not be revealed until I stand before God. There are a few things I do know for sure: all my hidden dirty laundry will one day air before everyone, I will be held accountable, and the longer it sits the harder it is to cover up and clean up.  Fortunately I know I have a Savior who has already cleaned it all. There is nothing too old or dirty or embarrassing that He will not wash and dry it until it is "white as snow".

So what is your dirty laundry? 

Monday, February 4, 2013

Welcome Aboard Check-in

Almost 15 years of marriage; 10 years of civilian ministry across 4 churches and 3 denominations; 6 "unplanned" children; 8 years of home education; and our newest adventure of Naval Chaplaincy - we have experienced many ups and downs of life, love, and ministry. I hope this can be a place to humbly share some of what we have learned and explore the joys, triumphs, sorrows and frustrations of this unique life we have been given.  Maybe, just maybe, it will be an encouragement to others, where we can realize we are not alone in this journey and there is more that brings us together than separates us on this  Life Underway.