My amazing husband took all the children out for the entire day. Yes, all 6 of them, by himself, for the whole day. As they closed the door behind them this morning, I faced an eerily quiet house and realized - I had no idea what to do with myself. Bob left with instructions to relax and enjoy myself, so school and housework were out. I decided to start with a long, hot shower - with no interruptions, heads peeking around the curtain or shrieks from the other room hurrying me out. Then, because I still didn't know what to do, I folded laundry (housework I know, but I was bored!) while watching a British period drama. As the program ended I realized what I really wanted to do.
During our second honeymoon last fall, I had the opportunity to discover a hobby I really enjoy. It is something I know very little about, to be honest, but puts my creative side to work and I could, if I chose to, incorporate the children into it. Today would be a great day to begin experimenting and learning about my new found interest! There is one big problem. This hobby requires one basic piece of equipment, which I do not own, that is quite expensive. So while watching the credits roles I became very frustrated...and the brain started going in a direction it should not go.
I've been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years now. I've been "officially" home schooling for 8 years, but in all honesty I have been doing that for 12 years also. In that time I have been through 4 churches which I served as "pastor's wife", 5 moves- one which I did without Bob around, 5 more pregnancies, 5 vehicles, countless emergency room visits, hundreds of nights alone waiting for Bob to return from serving others, and even more hundreds of sleepless nights with babies and sick children. There have been the meals skipped, old clothes worn, nasty cloth diapers used and changed, and outings passed over just to make ends meet. I looked around the house and saw toys that are never played with, video games and consoles I don't enjoy, videos that are never watched, and books that have been read once and never touched again. It just doesn't seem fair. After everything I have sacrificed and given - I can't do the one thing I want to do on my one day off in months, because of several hundred dollars. Its not like we can even budget to save for it because the truck needs new tires and the check engine light is on, children need new clothes, food and gas prices are skyrocketing, taxes are going up, curriculum needs to be purchased...and the list goes on, and on, and on. It just isn't fair!
And then I stopped myself, because thinking like that isn't helpful. It serves no purpose and ultimately is very selfish. This is not the life I would have chosen for myself, but it is the life God has blessed me with. I don't make all of those sacrifices in the hopes that I'll someday be rewarded or paid back. I do it because I need to. I do it because I love my husband and children. I do it because I want to serve a God who has sacrificed everything for me....oh, wait.
I have a heavenly Father who sacrificed EVERYTHING....for me....whose heart is whining and complaining because I can't do one thing, right now, when I want to. He gave me a husband who loves me. And how many people do I know who have never had someone love them like Bob loves me? He gave me 6 incredible children, while so many people would give everything to have even one. He placed us in a nation where I can legally educate my children in the way I feel is best, while other families live in fear of having their children removed, heavy fines and jail time. I have a warm house to enjoy on this chilly day, while so many people are struggling to find a corner to hide from the wind. I am healthy, while so many people can't leave a hospital room. I have a dresser full of clothes to wear, while others would love to have a coat and pair of shoes. I have a Father who gave up His Son, so that I could live.
That several hundred dollars doesn't seem so important anymore. Yes, we sacrifice a lot as parents, but it is nothing compared to the sacrifice our Heavenly Father has made for us and all the other blessings we receive. So Heavenly Father, forgive my ungrateful heart and selfish desires. Help me to see and focus on all that You have blessed me with and find ways to use them to bless others in return. May my heart, mind and soul desire only to serve You. May it be enough that by Your grace one day I may hope to hear You say, "Well done good and faithful servant."
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