I get several emails a year from moms asking for information about home schooling. Usually, they express a desire to homeschool because they are concerned about an aspect of their public school. "Schools just aren't what they used to be. Bullies. Too much testing. God isn't allowed. I'm concerned about what it will do to my child."
Several years ago there was a push among some Christian groups to encourage parents to not allow their children to read the Harry Potter books. Why? There was concern that reading them would instill in children an interest in black arts, and open doors to witch craft and demonic powers - pulling them away from Christian teaching and the church.
Parenting is hard. Making decisions for our children can be challenging. There are a lot of factors to weigh and at times the responsibility of nurturing, protecting and raising these little gifts from God can feel overwhelming. In our age, we are blessed, or cursed, with seemingly infinite information and opinions to "help" along the journey. Send them to this school. Use this curriculum. Feed them this food. Don't feed them these foods. Vaccinate. Don't vaccinate. Watch these movies. Don't even consider those movies. If you don't do (fill in the blank) your child will turn from Christ.
Overwhelmingly, we are encouraged to make decisions based off one thing - fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future. Fear of contamination. Fear of loss. Fear of sin. Fear of man. That mom at the park was afraid of what would happen if she wasn't right next to her children to protect them. Parents looking to change their children's education are afraid their children are missing something or will be harmed. Many churches are afraid that the wrong books, music and movies will lead children away from practicing the faith. We fear feeding children the wrong food will effect their long term health.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us." (I John 4:18-9 ESV)
Fear is a very powerful motivator. It can paralyze and it can enable us to do things we wouldn't otherwise. It can completely overwhelm and darken everything else. It tells us that we are responsible for every outcome and every consequence; it says we are at the mercy of others. It says that we are powerful; it reminds us we are weak. Fear says that God is not in control.
It is the opposite of God's motivator - love. Specifically, God's love - agape love. This love sacrifices itself for the well being of others. It is constant, never changing. It brings hope. It brings peace. It brings joy. It motivates to do the same for others. It encourages that God is sovereign and we are always in His hand.
Fear frequently disguises itself as love. That mom at the playground was certain she was loving her children by doing everything she could to keep them safe. Churches preach that it is loving to protect our children from dangerous influences. But, there is a very fine line between doing the "loving" thing out of agape, and doing it out of fear. And, it does matter. An action done out of fear teaches our children something very different from the same thing done out of love.
Fear teaches man is sovereign. Love teaches God is sovereign.
Fear teaches life is unpredictable. Love teaches God has it planned.
Fear teaches decisions are made by feelings. Love demonstrates Godly wisdom.
Fear instills insecurity and breeds fear. Love gives security and grows love.
It can be very difficult to tell when we are making decisions and acting out of fear or out of love. There have been so many times I have thought I was acting out of love, but hindsight revealed, that in reality, I was afraid of something. I am learning, that as I grow in Christ, it becomes easier to tell the difference between the fear and the voice of the Holy Spirit giving me godly wisdom and discernment. There are a few questions I'm learning to ask myself:
1 - Does Scripture have something to say about this? Is it directly dealt with, or is this part of human understanding of what it is saying? Scripture does not directly command me to home school my children. Nor does it command me to put my children into public school. I should not home school out of fear of the public schools. Homeschooling out of fear says that God is not capable of keeping my children safe and drawing them to Himself within the government school system. I home school my children because I believe that it is the best way to glorify God with my children's upbringing. On the other side, I cannot send my children to public school out of fear that I am ill-equipped or they will miss out on something if I keep them home. That is telling our children that God has not fully equipped us, or planned for, something He may be calling us to! If I send my children to public school it must be because I know it is where God is calling them, that He is sovereign, and He will work it for good.
2 - Am I making this decision based on law, or grace? Law produces fear. Grace produces love. Jesus tells us that He fulfilled the Law, freeing us from its bondage. Yet, so often, we build "law" into our thinking, homes and parenting believing that these laws will keep us closer to God and "make Him happy". The problem? We cannot do anything to separate us from the love of God. Jesus did everything that needed to be done for God to lavish us with His love. We love BECAUSE He loves us. We do not obey to be loved. While a much bigger issue than I want to get into now, much of the time the issue is not law (do's and don'ts), but what is profitable toward God's glory. "“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." (I Corinthians 10: 23-24 ESV) While the commands of God give us a framework for how to do this, there is a lot of freedom! When we insist the family goes to church each Sunday, is it because we are trying to obey a command and fulfill some obligation, or are we aiming to glorify and serve Him? Do we expect the church to give us something, or are we there to build up the body of Christ? Are we unconsciously training our children to fear whether or not they are worthy of God's love because their service attendance, or that we respond to the love God lavishes on them through corporate worship?
3- Am I afraid of something or is this a wisdom issue? The first time I left my oldest at home alone was terrifying! What if she gets hurt? What if someone comes to the door? What if she gets hungry and burns the house down? Not all 12 year olds are ready to for that responsibility, but we knew she was. My desire to keep her with me was my fear. The fear was a result of my desire to protect and control the situation instead of trusting her and God. When my 8 year old asks to stay home by himself - that is completely a wisdom issue. Sorry bud, but that just isn't happening until you are older and more mature!
4 - Is this decision negatively affecting other areas of life that may be more important? I don't like leaving my children with people I don't know well. But, I also need time away, by myself and with my husband, to be a good wife and mother. Is my fear of what may happen when I am away interfering with my marriage and well-being? There have been times I have had to choose to trust God with my children's well-being, so that I can take care of immediately pressing issues personally and with my marriage.
When it comes down to it, fear is a lack of faith. Fear is the belief that there is something that is outside of God's sovereign plan and control. Fear is allowing something other than the love and grace of God make decisions for you.
Next time you are faced with a decision, whether big or little, take a moment to look at what is controlling that decision. And remember, God will never leave you or forsake you - or your children.
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