Family Purpose

So why families?  What is the point of having families? What is the goal of your family? What was God's intent for families?

The purpose of family is a hotly debated topic in our culture and within churches. What consists of a family? What is it's role? Where does its responsibilities start and where are their limits? What does "family" look like?

God's story of family begins at the beginning. Genesis 1 God creates the sky, sun, moon, earth, plants, animals and man. The first account of the creation story ends with:

So God created man in his own image.

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them. 

And God blessed them. And God said to them "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion...And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. 

God created man, in God's image, as male and female. The first thing we are told about mankind is its reflection of God as male and female. It is not the male that reflects God. It is not the female reflects God. It is male and female together that reflects God's image. Marriage, first and foremost, is a man and a woman united to reflect God.  The first command this Reflection is given, mirrors the very act God had just completed - be fruitful and multiply. Create children. And why children? To fill the earth and rule it as caretakers for the Creator. Chapter 2 goes on to give further explain God's arrangement  The female is created as a helper for the male. This is not a subservient arrangement, as both humans share the same task, but it is the man that is ultimately held accountable. It is man who is charged with naming all creation. It is the man to whom God gives His directions to pass on to others. It  is the man who is held accountable when things begin to go wrong.

The first 3 words of chapter 3 give the first hint of trouble: Now the serpent  What is a serpent doing in

a garden? And why is this serpent talking to the woman?  Not only is it talking to her, it is lying to her and taking advantage of the woman's exaggerations of God's initial commands. No one kept the serpent out of the garden. No one corrected the woman's understanding of God's command. (She states she is not allowed to touch the tree in the center of the garden. God had stated they were not to eat from it.) So Eve takes the fruit, eats it, and turns and gives it to her husband - who it seems had been next to her the whole time!  The first sin was not in Eve's eating of the forbidden fruit, but in Adam's failure to tend to, instruct, and  protect creation. 

It doesn't take long for the family, and the world to fall apart. By the 6th chapter of the Bible, God destroys the earth because of the corruption of humanity. God restores the earth from its watery grave, brings Noah and his sons onto dry land and commands them "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth....into your hand [all creation] is given". 

Again, it all very quickly falls apart and mankind must be scattered across the globe and nations begin to form.

Then God reveals the next part of his plan. He calls a man to leave everything, to start over, and to be set apart.  He promises Abram that through him, and his family, the entire world will be blessed. God sets aside a family to restore the earth to God's original intent. 

God gave His chosen people, His chosen family, a set of laws designed to set them apart so they would be an example of Him to the rest of the world.  God put into place a means of transmitting those laws, and assuring they are understood and upheld. Moses was to give them to the elders of each tribe. The elders of the tribes were to teach the adults. The adults were to teach their children. The nuclear family's main purpose was to transmit God's Word from one generation to another so God's redemption would be evident through the nation of Israel. 

They fail again, and again and again. For us, the hope lies in this: God used every failure of His people, of individuals, to bring about His ultimate plan of Redemption. It was through the prostitution of Rahab, the inter-faith marriage of Ruth and Boaz and the adultery of David, that Christ was brought into the world.

So what does this have to do with us, as post-resurrection Christian families?  We have been given the exact same purpose. The famous Ephesians 6 passage on wives, husbands and children comes in the middle of an explanation of how Christians are to live as "imitators of God". The purpose of the Christian family, wife, husband and children, is to fulfill the mission of the Church and pass it on from generation to generation.  Our families exist to fulfill the Great Commission - to preach the gospel to all the world. Our families' purpose is to declare the glory of God. 

This is vastly different from many of the current understandings of the purpose of family. Families do not exist primarily to raise a lot of well-behaved, God-fearing children. Families do not exist to make its individual members happy.  Families do not exist primarily to provide structure to society, to educate children, to transmit culture, to ensure people are cared for etc...etc...etc....  All of these are great benefits of family, but not its purpose. Our concern with things like education, discipline, marriage, communication, and nurturing is not that we have a healthy family, marriage and children. It is not to somehow earn God's favor. It is not even to guarantee the salvation of the next generation. It is because those are the means we use within our family, and as members of the Church, to glorify God and to declare His love, grace and mercy to the rest of the world. Our families will never be perfect, but God will always use our imperfections to His glory.

Love, Submit, Respect

Wives, submit to you own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her....husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself....Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and fold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5: 22-25, 28a, 31-33

It was the beginning of this journey God is bringing me on in more fully understanding grace within the context of marriage, family and child-rearing. We had made the decision to homeschool our oldest, so I was attending a local homeschool convention to find out what we were getting ourselves into. Taking a break from the overwhelming curriculum hall and "how-to" presentations, I sat in the back of a marriage seminar to nurse the baby, sit for a few minutes, and allow my brain time to absorb all I was learning. While my wriggly son only allowed me about 15 minutes to listen to the speaker, it was 15 minutes that would change my life, marriage and parenting. For the first time I heard the absolute necessity for my husband to feel respected - and that respect looked very different from what I thought.  

Ephesians 5 is probably the most referenced, and most misused passage on marriage. Traditionally it has been used to justify demeaning women. More modern Christians will dismiss it as "cultural" to only New Testament life and not relevant to our more progressive society. Both completely miss the intention of the passage - mutual submission.  Taken within context of the surrounding passages, it is commanding wives and husbands submit themselves to each other out of love for Christ and as a reflection of Christ's love for the church.

The command given to men to "love your wives" was revolutionary for the time. In a time when women were at best a means to gain property, status and ensure decedents, the idea of love within marriage would have been very progressive indeed! Paul dramatically elevates the status of women within the family. Even more than the idea of "love" within marriage, is the extent to which this love is to go. "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church."  No longer are wives there to be used, but they are to be so incredibly loved, cherished and honored that a husband gives up his life, dreams and ambitions for her. She is to be his primary concern. His life is to be lived for her benefit - to meet her inner most needs without regard for his personal gain!  

Wives, if our husbands could perfectly fulfill that command, wouldn't the command we are given be easy? It is easy to submit to someone who we know has our best interest at heart all the time. But just like us, our husbands are not perfect. They fail at this, frequently - and that is when it becomes very difficult for us to comply with the command to submit. Actually, a more accurate word is seen at the end of this passage's English translation - respect. Submission has a lot of negative connotations in our culture, but when taking into account the difficulty of translating Koine Greek into modern English and the literary techniques of Greek, inherent in this passage is more the modern understanding of "respect". Wives, we are commanded to respect our husbands, no matter what. We are not respecting them for what they do or because they deserve it, but because they are brothers in Christ and God has given them the great burden of leading our family. We respect them out of respect for Christ.

So how do we do this? How do we respect our husbands, even while they fail? (As a quick aside, I am assuming your husband is well-intentioned. This is in no way a command to stay in an abusive situation - whether physical, emotional, psychological or sexual. If you are in that type of situation, PLEASE, seek Godly help.)

1 - Actions speak louder than words 1 Peter 3:1 "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct."  Showing respect, even when our husband's actions are not respectable, goes farther in touching the hearts of our men than any amount of nagging, lecturing or demanding can. This may be one of the most difficult ways for us to demonstrate grace to our husbands - but it also speaks the most loudly to them. When you need to discuss an issue, do it with as much humility and respect as you can, remembering that you also fall short, you hurt him and God has equally forgiven both of you. A godly man knows when he has fallen short, and seeing your unfailing respect, no matter what, will draw him closer to God and to you. I have seen couples able to work through major conflicts, including affairs, when the wife is willing to show respect despite it all. 

2 - Avoid demeaning, demorilzing, name calling and accusatory language.  Explain how you feel and what his actions, or inactions, communicate to you.  Those infamous "I" statements are a great communication tool you can use to express your concern and need without leaving him feeling attacked.  Saying things like, "I am hurt that the spare room hasn't been finished yet because having that extra work space is very important to me. If you do not want to do it, that is fine, but please let me know so I can find an alternative." is going to go a lot farther than, "You care more for your video games than me. I have been waiting 3 months for you to finish that spare room and it still isn't done! I can't get my project done until that room is finished."

3 - Make requests instead of making demands. Our husbands are not children. They are men God has entrusted with great responsibilities, and we need to treat them as such. You wouldn't walk into your boss's office and demand something be done immediately. We should not do the same to our husbands. Asking for help, for projects to be completed or for actions to be changed gives your husband the opportunity to choose to love you instead of feeling forced into it. It communicates you respect him, his God-given roll in your home, and his choices. The key to this is once you have asked, allowing him to freely make the choice of what he is going to do - without pressure or guilt being placed on him and without allowing hurt and resentment to build up in you. "Could you clean out the spare room so I can turn it into my work space? I would really like to be able to set it up this weekend if possible so I can start on Christmas projects." or "I could really use some more work space. I was thinking I'd use the spare room. Could you help me clean it out or do you have another suggestion?" instead of "I need more work space. Clean out the spare room this weekend. Please."   If he chooses not to, find a way to deal with it that does not leave him feeling cornered - that may mean you do it yourself without grumbling or complaining or you find an alternative without holding his choice against him. 

4 - Always talk about him in a way that is uplifting. Never talk down about him in front of others.  That "girl talk" where we all stand around and complain about our husbands is very hurtful to our men.  The old adage "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." is a good rule of thumb. There are times we need to seek Godly advice and wisdom from other God-fearing women, but we can do that in a way that still protects our husbands from outside ridicule. We need to keep our focus on our own hearts, souls and minds instead of trying to change our husbands' (which we can't do anyway). Be very wise about who you go to and how you phrase things. 

5 - Learn to let the little things go. Underwear on the floor. Toilet seats left up. Dirty dishes in the sink. We all have those little things that annoy us to no end. We can love and respect our husbands by choosing to let them go. Instead of obstacles we have to work around, think of them as opportunities to serve your spouse - even if he doesn't notice!  Just like us, our husbands do things that annoy us, not because they don't care or don't love us, but because they just don't think about it. They don't see the world, our homes and us the same way we do - and we need to respect those differences. I can guarantee he does the same thing for you! 

6 -   Know your man.  Read the books. Listen to the experts. But above all you need to know your man, how he works and what makes him tick. No matter what the research, experts or your friends say, every man is unique. Every man has different needs and preferences  What may feel respectful to most men, may be horrifying to yours. Be willing to ask how your actions and words make him feel. Watch carefully for how your words and actions effect him. What you may feel is innocent and "normal", may not feel that way to him. If you are not sure if he is feeling respect communicated from you, ask him - and be willing to listen to his response with an open heart.  I had to come to terms that many of the things I do without thinking, hurt my husband. I may not be ill-intentioned, or even upset, but the differences in our upbringings and personalities means I need to change and be more purposeful about how I say and do things. I did a lot of damage to our marriage simply because I wasn't aware of how I was hurting him. 

"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brother love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing" (I Peter 3:8-9)

Amazing GRACE

Amazing grace how sweet the sound

That saved a retch like me.

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see

(Amazing Grace by John Newton)

Grace.  It is the very foundation of the Christian faith. It is what makes Christianity different from every other faith and belief system. It is the major theme through the entire Old and New Testaments. We sing about it, talk about it, and preach about it, yet I think very few of us really understand it. Before getting into what grace is, I want to address what grace is not.

1- It is NOT something we earn: Grace by definition is unmerited favor. There is nothing anyone can do to earn grace. Eph 2:8 tells us God's grace is a gift and not a result of any works. There is no decision you can make, action you can take or ritual you can perform to earn God's grace. We cannot bargain with God for grace. We cannot bribe Him for grace. We cannot influence whether He issues more or less grace. The Ephesians passage goes on to tell us we cannot brag or boast about grace. The grace we have received is despite all we do and we have no cause to boast about it.

2- It is NOT an excuse for sin.  Romans 6 is very clear that grace does not give us a free pass to sin. When we truly understand grace, it frees us from sin. It drives us to flee from sin to be like Christ and His righteousness. Grace never says, "Its ok".  It does always say, "You are forgiven."

3 - It does NOT free us from the consequences of our sin.  Through grace we are spared the punishment of sin - death and separation from God. It does not guarantee we will avoid the consequences of our sin. David was a "man after God's own heart". He committed adultery and murder, and by God's grace retained God's favor. But, his sin led to the death of his infant son and deep divides within his family. We are forgiven, but we must still bear the consequences of our actions. Giving our children grace means we forgive them, we lead them to God who forgives them, but it is not an excuse not to discipline. 

So what is grace?

It is God's unfailing, unchanging, unmerited love for unrighteous, lawless, self-serving humans. The book of Romans contains a long theological discussion of grace.  Chapter 1 begins to establish that righteousness means perfect inward, as well as outward, conformity to Law. The punishment for not obeying even one aspect of the law - death. Yet, the Law was given for one purpose - to point us toward our need for God by defining sin. Romans 3 states "None is righteous, not even one;.....no one does good." Even the most pure outward appearance of righteousness does not meet the standard because it lacks God's understanding.  Then comes Jesus. God's son.  He came to earth as a humble human, subjected to all the temptations and impulses known to man - yet lived a truly pure, righteous life.   He lived a life that completely fulfills the Law.  God takes this perfectly righteous Son, and puts on Him the punishment and torment of our sin. With the price of sin paid, God takes the righteousness of Jesus and gives it to us. That is grace - God giving us a righteousness we do not deserve. This grace is given to us through one means - faith in Jesus death and resurrection. 

So....what does all this have to do with parenting? As Christians, everything!

Grace tells us we cannot do this on our own! We are no better, no more righteous, and no more law abiding on our own, than our children are. Without Christ, we are the blind leading the blind. We can be faithful parents because we trust in the grace and love of God. We can trust that He will give us the wisdom, strength and perseverance to raise our children in a manner that is pleasing to Him. Grace also relieves us of the responsibility of saving our children. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot save our children. Our children's spiritual salvation lies in the hands of God and God alone. Our faith allows us to trust that He has placed each child in our home, when He did and how He did for a reason. It assures us that He loves them even more than we do. He knows every one of our failures, he knows every mistake we will make - and He gave us these children anyway. It is because of grace we are motivated to continually point our children to Christ and to teach them about his love and salvation.

Grace teaches us to parent toward Christ, not toward law. The ultimate goal of our parenting is to raise adults who are fully committed and lost in the love of God. We do not want "good" children, because we know that is impossible. We want God to capture our children's hearts and turn them into young men and women who are devoted to Him. Grace teaches us once they have been captured by God's love they will not be able to help but strive toward "goodness". God gave us law to expose our need for Christ. When we teach our children law, our first goal should be to expose their need for Christ and share with them His forgiveness and acceptance because of His work on the cross. 

Grace teaches us a need for personal discipleship - both for ourselves and for our children. If we are to lead our children to Christ, we must be walking with Him ourselves. We need to be studying His Word, spending time talking with Him, fellow-shipping with other believers, and being held accountable to His teachings. The Church has a very vital role in families by supporting parents in personal growth so they may in turn lead their children. 

God created a wonderful institution in which grace should be clearly visible to our children - marriage. God designed the family as a father and mother who work together to lead their children to Him. All too frequently this does not happen. Next, we want to take a little time to take a look at grace within the context of marriage. But be assured, if your situation does not match the dad+mom+children equation, God in His abounding grace, is still living and working and nothing can hinder His plan!!

'Tis grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears relieved.

How precious did that grace appear,

The hour I first believed. 

The House that Grace Builds

As we have headed into the active summer months and now a busy-as-ever school-year, I have taken very little time to blog. By the end of the day I can barely decide whether to read or watch a movie, no less construct coherent written sentences and paragraphs! Over the next few months I want to share with you something that has been very heavy on my heart for the American Church, and which has greatly convicted, challenged and changed me, my faith and my family.

Over the last 15 years, we have watched children from "good Christian homes" grow up and leave the faith with, at best, an indifferent tolerance for the church or, all too frequently, outright rejection and hatred. We have watched even more children gain the ability to do and say the right things, but show very little heart understanding of our faith in their lives. They were motivated "be good" and to "make Daddy and God happy"- living as if their salvation, acceptance, and worth relied on their actions.  We saw the same things in the most liberal families and the most fundamentalist, conservative families.  Most painful, was the day we realized our children were no exception. They knew the stories, the songs, the Sunday School answers, but when it came to real heart-felt motivations and answering deeper questions - it just wasn't there. We were raising "good" kids who didn't truly understand the depth of the love and grace of God.

It began what is a continuing quest of mine to question "christian" parenting across the fundamental to progressive spectrum of theology  - because, quite frankly, it doesn't work. If generation, after generation of children raised in Christian homes are continually, and with increasing frequency, turning its back on the faith, than we, the parents, are not passing the faith on to them. We have done a fantastic job of passing down religion, but not the faith and love of a gracious Savior.

So what I want to do over the next several months is share with you what we will be sharing with our church. Not because we have all the answers, or have come upon any new revelations, or are perfect in parenting ourselves, but because I believe every Christian, especially every Western Christian, needs to take a very good, hard look at themselves, their families, and their churches before we completely loose the next generation.

One of the things we quickly realized, is our "parenting theology" is a big part of the problem. For some reason, we tend to drop good hermeneutics at the door when it comes to parenting. We need to start with "rules" for reading the Bible. (We are beginning with an assumption in the inerrency, authority and divine authorship of all of Scripture.)

1 - Context, context, context  - Every verse, every word of Scripture must be read within the context it was written. Probably some of the most frequent mis-uses of scripture come from pulling passages out of context. A very common one is Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord" Begin and end it there and you have a verse that demands wives be subservient to their husbands. The entire context though, completely changes the meaning. The prior verse end with "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ". Verse 25 commands "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." Verse 33 reflects 22 with "let the wife see that she respects her husband". No longer do we have a dominating relationship, but one of mutual submission, self-sacrificing love and respect.

2- Literary Genres are Important - It rarely fails when going to a parenting workshop, Proverbs 13:24 is quoted. "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."  This is coming from Proverbs, a book of wisdom literature. Wisdom literature, by its nature, intent and structure, is different from law, history, and gospels.  Quite frequently this Proverb is used as law - children must be spanked. But it isn't law, it is wisdom. Its intent is not to demand spanking, but to impart the wisdom of firmly disciplining children.

3 - Redemptive History- All of scripture should be read in light of God's promise to redeem man, namely through Jesus Christ. Without the light of redemptive history, one could claim that Genesis 22 teaches child sacrifice!

4 - Reading in Light of the Whole - Scripture cannot be the Word of God and conflict with itself.  Our interpretation of one passage, must be consistent with what is in the rest of scripture.  It is inconsistent to think we can predict the date of the return of Christ from Revelation and Daniel in light of Jesus' words in Matthew 24, "no one knows, not even the angels of heaven nor the Son".

5 - Avoid moralisms - This has become one of my personal pet peeves, especially when teaching children Bible stories. David and Goliath. How many children have been told that they have to "be like David" and God will help them defeat the Goliaths in their lives? There are several problems with this: 1- the passage is mainly about God's redemption of His people (Redemptive History) 2- The passage is quite clear that David gave God the credit for the victory, and it was not David's actions, but God's power through David that saved the Israelites  3-God does not always allow our Goliaths to be defeated. Sometimes we must walk through a fiery furnace. Sometimes we are stoned to death. My all time favorite was the Sunday School lesson that directed me to teach the Tower of Babel  The curriculum's goal: That the children would understand that every language was created by God, so we should love people of all languages. Um, that is no where near the message of the passage. Different languages were given as a curse for pride and idolatry!

6 - Read more complex passages in light of more clear ones - Much of scripture can be very difficult to understand and accept. Some of it makes me scratch my head and say "Why in the world would God put this in here?" Fortunately many of those passages are more easily understood in light of easier passages (and when #1-5 are also applied). Read Song of Solomon 7:7. I wouldn't allow my children to touch any other book with this type of imagery in it!

Now that we have laid basic ground work on how to read scripture, next week we will look at the defining and most unique concept of our faith - Grace.

Back to School!

The Calvin Institute for Higher Learning opens the 2013-2014 school year in 11 days - which means this Mommy-teacher is in overdrive organizing and lesson planning. With 8 years of home education under my belt, and about 16 more to go, I have learned that starting the year over-organized helps keep us running smoothly all year. While I still have a few finishing touches to go, mostly storing unneeded books from last school year, everything should be in its place and ready for, um, eager students.My primary goals have been: ease of use for everyone, allowing each child to be as self-sufficient as possible and keeping costs to a minimum. I also took appearance into greater consideration this year. After 8 years of my dining room looking like a kindergarten classroom, I was ready to try to make all the school stuff blend in more.

One of the best things I did when my oldest girls were little was color code everyone. Every child has an assigned color, and all their things are in that color - towels, toothbrushes, bedsheets, school supplies. Last fall I discovered  Post-It Notes can be bought individually for about $1 at Walmart and Target! I now keep a supply in every child's color. They are slighly more expensive bought this way, but they have paid me back in time and stress relief many times over.

 This year I designated a shelf for myself. All my teacher's manuals, reference books, planning aids, and supplies are there. This year I needed to rebind all my math manuals - year after year of use had them in shambles. They are all in 3-ring binders, with Post-it tabs separating the different sections (lessons, worksheet answers, test answers etc..) Each manual contains a Post-it corresponding to the color of the child using that book, marking what lesson they are on. 5 kids schooling full time this year, I can't remember who is using what most of the time! This has been very helpful when I have multiple children using the same book, but are working at different points. I just need to grab the manual and I am ready to go - no looking up lesson plans that usually don't get done! The top shelf is all the manuals currently being used; middle shelf planning and reference; bottom shelf is art, music and PE activities for rainy days.  The cabinet next to my shelf has a shelf designated for books and supplies that will be used this year, but not right away.

We are going to start the school year trying block scheduling. Homeschool Tracker Plus has been my new toy! It allowed me to put each child and each subject into a set time - color coded by child! (YIPEE!) At a glance I can see who should be doing what. This year I planned an hour for lunch followed by 45 minutes of reading. That gives me almost 2 hours mid-day for some snuggle time with the toddler and quiet time to myself if need be - something I have learned is a necessity for this very introverted mom!

To help the children keep track of what they have done and what needs to be done I put together this board. Each tile (color coded for each child) has a picture of a subject. The tiles of the subjects that need to be worked on are moved to the "To Do" side each morning, and get moved back when its been completed. This was new this past school year and a HUGE hit with the kids. I also purchased a simple kitchen timer for each child to help them keep track of how long they have worked on a subject - early time management training!

Each child has his own shelf, or two, containing their books and a 3-ring binder for each subject - color coded of course! All the workbooks have been pulled apart and placed into the binders. Not only do they sit better on the shelves, but it is easier for the children to work on them. If we need to take school out they can bring only the pages needed to be completed. It also allows more freedom in working in different areas of the house, or outside. The magazine holders contain workbooks that could not be taken apart, soft cover texts, folders for Sunday School and Sermon Notes and anything else that doesn't stand well on its own. These are inexpensive cardboard ones from Ikea.

Each binder and book has a color coded Post It to be used as a bookmark.

Paper storage. Those children who still need handwriting practice have a drawer with their sized handwriting paper. There is also one for notebook paper, colored paper and graph paper.  My label maker has been invaluable when organizing supplies! With everything clearly labeled there is no excuse for things not being put away or not being able to find something.

                 

My big challenge this year was science supplies. With one studying high school Biology and 4 elementary physics, there are a tremendous amount of supplies - some of which are toxic or dangerous to little ones who love to play with anything they can get their hands on. These drawers from Walmart, with organizing bins from Family Dollar, will hopefully make everything easier to find and put away. Everything is labeled on the outside of the drawer and inside on bins. Supplies that anyone can play with are on the bottom; "not intended for small children" items on the top. These have given me a great way to store the recyclable supplies I like to have on hand - cardboard roles, empty soda bottles, pill bottles etc.. In the back corner of my kitchen pantry is a second set of drawers with the really dangerous or fragile stuff - dissection kits and specimen, chemicals, microscope and slide-making supplies. 

 

 The Community Supply Shelf. Everything that everyone needs easy access to! The drawers on the top shelf (from Ikea) hold office supplies - pencils, crayons, markers, scissors, glue, rulers etc... This summer I went through and got rid of all the cheaply made items and restocked with higher quality materials. I found that those $.25 crayons may be cheap, but they are so hard to use that they would deter the kids from crafts and creativity. They also break easily and need to be replaced more often. These are now stocked with Crayola crayons and markers, 100% wooden pencils and rulers, metal protractors... It is usually a lot less expensive in the long run to buy higher quality materials.

The second shelf holds reference books from a children's dictionary to Roget's Thesaurus, a rhyming dictionary, a variety of atlases, a study Bible and concordance.

The bottom shelf is coloring books to keep little ones entertained and science field guides and encyclopedias.

 Another new addition this year is our Memorization Wall. We never get to our memory work, because unless it is in front of me, I don't think about it. I put white posterboard into frames from GoodWill, hung them up and can now write our memory work in wet erase markers. I would like one more for Science, but right now I have room for Poetry, History, Catechism  and Scripture

 Books, books, and more books. They take up space I don't have and can be quite expensive - so I don't want to keep buying them. After trying several things we discovered a system of storing them that, so far, is working well for us.

In the garage, is a tub for each subject, storing everything that isn't being used this school year. Unfortunately, even after getting rid of 5 boxes of books this spring, we are outgrowing many of these tubs. Yes, my tubs are color coded. Grey ones are for school, blue is outdoor clothing, green is Christmas supplies,  and pink is Easter supplies.

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We don't have room in the house for all the books required for a Classical education for 6 children. I have gotten rid of everything I can easily find at almost any library, with the exception of classics, but we still have more than the house can handle. My husband came up with an ingenious solution. Books are now stored on shelves in the garage in tubs. Each tub is labeled with a number. Every book has been recorded in a spread sheet with title, author, publisher, ISBN number - and the tub it is in. The database has been printed out and stored in a folder where anyone can look up a book, or browse titles, go to the garage, and find the book they want. As I need to add books, they are entered in the database and put into a tub with room in it. Absolutely not ideal! I would rather have shelves, but we now have a record of every book we have, where it is and where it needs to be put away. I take the spreadsheet with me when going to garage sales and used bookstores to prevent buying multiple copies of any work.

Finally - record keeping! Still very much a work in progress. We have never lived in a state that required it, so it has never been a priority for me. I have a heavy duty 3 inch color coded binder for each child. At the end of the school year they choose 3-4 of their favorite examples of work from each subject which are filed behind a divider marked with the school year. This year I began one for high school level work for our oldest. Since she is completing high school courses before reaching the typical high school age, I have divided that one by subject. Behind each subject divider are tests, lab reports, and essays in a plastic sleeve labeled with the course name and date completed. I purchased Home School Tracker Plus to help me with keeping grades, amount of time worked, course descriptions, curriculum and lesson plans that are needed for college admissions. The binder provides paper-proof of work done just in case it is required by an admissions office or scholarship board.  I rarely have time for daily lesson plans, and have purposely chosen material where daily plans are already written, so this year I put together a spread sheet with each course across the top (color coded by child) and lesson numbers going down. Now I can just date when each lesson has been completed and quickly see where each child is, pacing and what needs to be done.

 This is the time of year where everything always looks and sounds its best. The real test to all of this will be around November to see if it is working!

Waking From a Dream

You know that feeling when you have slept well and it is time to wake up. Slowly your mind begins to come out of an alternative consciousness, realizing the real world is waiting. At times you cling to the dream state - wanting to stay in a state of rest and the idealistic world of pleasant dreams that is so far removed from reality.

Then there are those times you run toward the light of reality. Plagued by restless sleep and disturbing dreams, reality is much more attractive than that "sleep of death".

How often life it like that!  We have periods of unrealistic euphoria, where life is lived through rose colored glasses.  We push away anything that may remind us that life isn't always as idealistic as we feel it is. We are teenagers in love, only able to see how wonderful things are, and unwilling to see fault or upcoming pitfalls.

Life can also be a very bad dream.  When everything seems covered in a hazy mist, or oppressive fog, of pain, hurt, betrayal, and sin. We can't see what is in front of us. Light struggles to get through so we live in a world of darkness and shadows. We yearn for the light, but fear what it will reveal. We "rather bear those ills we have/ Than fly to others we know not of".  At times we try to move the fog on our own, believing we caused it so it is our duty to make it go away. Other times we lash out at the injustice of others placing that fog around us,  yelling "Its not fair!" and expecting that a just God would remove it all. Then there are those most dark of times when we just want to give in to the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" and instead of "by opposing, end them" we are ready "to die, to sleep".

So often the church's response to those times makes them more difficult. We are told to fight our Goliaths with the faith of David; to search our hearts for the sin that so easily entangles and through repentance break the chains of sin and darkness. There are platitudes of "just keep looking up" and "keep on your knees praying". Much like Polonius's speech to his departing son in Shakespeare's Hamlet, while full of wonderful and true wisdom, they miss the mark. They are like the ghost king, telling us to fight a battle that is not ours, with strength and wisdom we do not have.

No matter what the cause or situation, those darkest of times will never be solved by any work of our own. When overcome with darkness, we know are incapable of fighting our Goliaths. Many times there aren't even Goliaths to be fought, but fiery furnaces to be endured! Our own sin clouds our view of itself. We can't look up because we can't see and we can not pray because there are no words.

"I am the light of the world" There is only one way out of those dark times - God. He is the only One who can see through the darkness of sin. He is the only One with the strength to fight our Goliaths. He is the only One who can withstand the fiery furnace. He is the only One with the words to express what our hearts yearn for. Only He has the faith to move mountains.

And He loves us so much, that He does all those things for us! He gives us His strength and His weapons to fight Goliath. He wraps us with his protection to endure the furnace. The Holy Spirit prays for us when words fail. His Son took on all our sin, paid for them and has given us His righteousness.

So if you are in one of those times of complete darkness, when all seems hopeless, and you feel utterly powerless, be encouraged. Though you cannot see, you cannot speak, you cannot hear - God is doing it all. He is carrying you. He is fighting the battles. He has forgiven the sin. He is the light and He is there working, powerful and active even if you can't see it.

He is bringing you out of that terrible dream. Keep fighting knowing He is doing the battle. Keep

enduring, knowing He is your protection. Keep praying, knowing He has the words and already knows your heart. Keep looking up, because He is lifting your head.

Unlike Hamlet, we are not stuck in a tragedy. Our journey does not end in an "undiscovered country, from whose bourn/No traveller returns". When we awake from this dream, it is to find ourselves wrapped in life and light, in the arms of One who has prepared for us "more than we can ask or imagine" because He defeated the darkness and came back to take us home.

And I know.....because He is doing it for me!

Surprised By Monsters

I have never done a movie review before, but today's fun family activity took me by surprise.  Monsters Inc. has been a family favorite since it was released in 2001. "Boo" was one of our oldest's first words. We were excited to finally see Disney/Pixar's prequal, Monsters University, this afternoon.

It was what I have come to expect from a Pixar movie - fun, well done and positive. What surprised me were the messages contained in Monsters University - because they fly in the face of just about every other family movie, especially Disney movies.

I have come to expect children's movies to contain characters who defy authority only to have them justified by the results.  Frequently our children are given the message that it is ok to do whatever they want, as long as the results are good. Heroes in everything from Curious George to Harry Potter do not need to be held responsible for their "bad" behavior if everything turns out ok in the end. The end justifies the means. As a Christian, I have a very hard time with that message. God gives us very clear boundaries of "right" and "wrong" and though He always uses our "wrong" to His glory and our benefit, there are still consequences to wrong decisions and breaking His laws. Even if our intentions are good, they do not justify sin.

The second message contained in most family movies is "you can do anything if you put your mind to it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise". While it sounds like a noble concept to instill in children, but it is an outright lie. We all have limits and weaknesses, and sometimes they are ones that we cannot change. No matter how much she studies, practices, fights or dreams about playing football for the Bears, my petite gentle daughter is not going to be able to do it! (Not that she'd want to, but I think you get the idea.)  I don't want my children following their dreams, I want them discovering God's plan, His dream, His design for their life and making His their own.  I want them to pursue, study, practice, and fight to be who He has created them to be, not necessarily what they want to be. What they want to be may not be what they were created to do.

This is why Monsters University surprised me so much.  I will try to explain without giving any spoilers! There is a very clear message of design.  Mike begins dreaming of his work at Monsters Inc. during an elementary class field trip to the plant. He studies, works, graduates and finally arrives at Monsters U to master his chosen field. Sully arrives at the school assuming he will excel simply because of his family background and natural talent. During the course of the film, both characters learn that sometimes your dream is not your design and it takes more than a dream, talent, hard work and education. While all those are included in their eventual arrival at Monsters Inc, it does not happen in the way either character expects.  Both characters learn to accept who they were created to be, that nothing can be taken for granted, and sometimes in life the road we want to follow is not the best one for us.

The second message that surprised me was one of consequences. Mike and Sully make some very poor decisions through out the movie. They are prideful, mean and selfish. They use each other, and friends, for their own purposes. They directly defy school rules and the authority of the school dean - but - they don't get away with it! Pride leaven them sad and alone. Arrogance causes them to be publicly humiliated. Defying authority, changes the entire course of their lives, putting them into  humble positions  having to work harder and prove themselves more than they would had if they hadn't.  They accept the consequences of their actions by taking full responsibility, asking for and offering forgiveness, and humbly submitting to authority. While the school dean is portrayed as being mean and heartless through most of the movie, she has a change of heart toward the end.

Obviously Sully and Mike end up achieving a lot in their fictional lives. This is a prequel, so unless you have yet to see the first movie, you know where they end up. How they get there, and the messages they teach, make this movie worthwhile seeing. It will probably end up in our video library once it is released on DVD.


(Side note)
There are some dark and intense moments during the climax of the film that had my younger ones stressed, but they do not last long and end with some comic relief.