Schole - The Hard Work of Leisure

In leisure, man oversteps the frontiers of the everyday workaday world, not in external effort and strain, but as though lifted above it in ecstasy.

- "Leisure: The Basis of Culture" by Joseph Peiper

"So why are you here?" was the first question asked in class. Answers were as varied as each individual: For the adventure. Just to do it. To go with friends. To see new things.

My answer: Because my husband and daughter want me to. 

Though, while true, it wasn't a fully satisfying answer. While I was sitting in that classroom because they had enrolled me, there was something deeper and bigger tugging on my heart. It was about 4 weeks later, and 50 ft under sea level that the answer came to me - worship. I was there not for the adventure, or to share experiences with friends and family, or to see new things - I was there for worship. 

The Westminster Shorter Catechism states it perfectly: What is the chief end of man? The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. 

We were made for one thing - Worship. And Worship is the root of schole- leisure. 

In the first third of his book "Leisure: The Basis of Culture" Joseph Peiper lays out that the fall of Western Civilization will come not from a lack of work, but because of the cult of work. Work for completely utilitarian purposes. Work that is done to fill our stomachs, clothe our bodies, and to give life purpose. Western civilization works for the sake of work. It even rests for the sake of work - which really isn't true rest at all. We work so that we can take a break from work, so that we can be more productive at our work. 

We have been groomed and indoctrinated to think leisure is a lack of work. It is the weekends on a beach, an evening of Settlers of Catan, Saturday morning donuts and cartoons. When the term for leisure is used in scripture, and through other ancient works, it has a very different meaning. Schole, the Greek word from which we get "school", implies not a lack of work, but an active pursuit of what is means to be human. The classical understanding of education is working to find the what it true, what is good, and what is beautiful. It is working toward understanding something bigger than ourselves. It is a pursuit in and of itself - not a quest toward more knowledge, more opportunity, more meaning, more experiences - but to simply be. It is hard work, but it is not burdensome. It takes a lot of energy, but it isn't wearisome. It is actually a work that invigorates us toward more work. 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,....and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11: 28-29

Jesus reiterates this idea of true rest in Matthew 11. He doesn't say "Come to me and sit under your beach umbrella".  He says to "Take my yoke and learn". His rest is active. It is a pursuit of Him, not an escape from toil. It provides "rest for your souls" - at that deepest level of who we were created to be. 

On this Monday morning, after a weekend of 3 underwater dives, I am sore. The journey there was not easy - at one point it left me vomiting from over-exertion. My body is weary, yet my soul is looking forward to the next dive.  This morning, my spirit has a new sense of vigor. Because, for a few brief moments, 50 feet underwater, surrounded by walls of coral and schools of fish, with only the sound of my own breathing, relieved of even the weight of my own body and the apparatuses keeping me alive,  I was free to worship and understand my Creator in a whole new light and at an entirely new depth. It is going to take a lot more work to more fully worship in this manner, I still have much to learn and many skills to refine, yet the "yoke" of  worship is leisure to the soul. 

It is a pursuit of understanding and knowing my Creator, and thus who I am. 

Schole - Living Life Classically

It is 9 am Sunday morning. My husband and 3 of our children were up and out of the door early for a base church service. I am supposed to be herding the other 3 out of bed and out the door toward the service we usually attend --- yet I am sitting on our back patio, listening to birds sing, cicadas chirp, cars zipping down the road, and airplanes taking off.  My heart and soul are yearning for worship, for peace, for connection with Something bigger than myself - yet in ways very different from what I can find in any church here on our little island. The liturgies, hymns, choruses, creeds, scripture readings, preaching, and sacraments are all good and necessary - yet too often move too fast, cover too much, are ruled by the clock, and focused on personal application or lost in theological intricacies,  loosing what it truly means to Worship. They become the airplanes over powering the birds singing. What I need, is "schole" - contemplation, leisure. Worship that take the time to engage the heart, soul, mind, body, and relationships (both with God and others).  If I am honest, this is not just what I am missing in corporate worship - it is what I am missing in my life - my marriage, my teaching, my learning, my parenting, my daily chores.  What my soul needs is the hard work of slowing down, listening, searching, discussing, and contemplating Truth, Goodness, and Beauty.

The last several months I've been digging into the intricacies of Classical Education - a quickly growing movement to re-learn and re-claim educational tools, pedagogies, and content from the ancient and middle ages that have been lost with the advent of modern progressive education. While I set out to read and study for professional and parenting reasons, it is leading me on a journey of self-discovery. As I've been tracing what has been lost and why, it has struck my core that what has been lost, and what is being learned within this renewal movement, is not just about formal education, but life and all that our modern world has lost in the pace of Progress. The principles of Classical Education cannot be effectively applied to a classroom, or homeschool, without being lived out in every aspect of life. While our modern world is focused on productivity, what can we do, how well can we do it, and how much can get done, the Classical world yearned for Truth, Goodness, and Beauty.

There is much irony that as modern peoples we have systems, technologies, and knowledge that leave us with more  "leisure" than any in the Classical world would have dreamed of; yet we run non-stop races to be more, make more, and have more in hope of that week on the beach or a weekend BBQ with friends.  Yet the Ancients, Plato, Aristotle, Aquinas, Augustine, had none of our modern conveniences and scientific understanding, but lived daily lives of  true "leisure" and saw beauty that we can only yearn for. They lived in a "music of the spheres" that we can't fathom. We have lost "schole" - leisure at its most basic and fundamental definition.

I would like to invite you to join me on this journey of renewal. Not as an educator or parent, but as a human - as a created being designed to glorify its Creator and rest in Him. I want to explore what it means to apply the eight fundamental principles of Classical Pedagogy to life:

1- Festina Lente - Make haste slowly
2 - Multum non multa - Much not many
3 - Repitio mater memoriae - Repetition is the mother of memory
4 - Embodied Learning
5 - Songs and Chants
6 - Wonder and Curiosity
7 - Virtue
8 - Schole - Contemplation and Leisure

I want to begin with "schole", because I believe it is really the most fundamental. It is both the ends and the means of the other seven. It is doing the hard work of sitting at the feet of Truth, Goodness, and Beauty, and having the virtue to receive it.

The Face of Christ

I was waiting for a couple children to finish lessons when he sat down and started talking - a Marine, homeschool Dad, and brother in Christ. He began telling me about a local, Japanese organization he is involved in and some of the challenges of being the only American in the group. He talked about how at times the responsibility of being the face and representative of our nation, and our military, to a foreign community can at times feel heavy. The responsibility of knowing his dress, his manners, his attitude, his body language, and his work reflect on not just him, but on a nation and force he loves. In a community where tensions can at times escalate because of cultural differences, he doesn't unwittingly want to be one more reason for hard feelings. Then he started telling me this Holy Week was adding to that.  He was told he was needed Easter Morning, and was met with animosity when he said he couldn't be there. He said he struggled to explain, to a completely non-Christian community, why he could not fulfill an obligation. He knew he could loose his position, Japan does not have equal opportunity laws like the US, and he was risking tarnishing the good relationship he had established - one he knew in the eyes of his Japanese colleagues would reflect on not just himself, but the Marine Corps, and American as a whole.  He finally gained some understanding when he explained this Sunday as a high Holy Day, and as they would not work on a Shinto holy day, he could not work on a Christian holy day.  While grateful for their understanding, he realized he was no longer just the face of the Marine Corps and Americans to this Japanese community. He was now the face of Christ to a completely non-Christian world. He may be the only example of Christ some of these people ever meet.

It made me wonder - how would I live my life differently if I truly thought of every action and attitude as the only portrait of Christ someone would ever see?

What picture of Christ do others see as I am grocery shopping? Pumping gas? Speaking with my children? Talking about my husband? When I am tired? When I am overwhelmed? And my digital face.... How do the memes I 💓💓, the articles I 👍, the statuses I post, reflect Christ? If someone tracked my digital life, would they see the Christ of Scripture??

The Jesus we celebrated this weekend allowed himself to be arrested, humiliated, beaten, and brutally killed for the very people who were calling for His death.

The embodiment of Holiness and Truth gently corrected the adulteress, and protected the prostitute - offering forgiveness, justification, and love while calling them on their sin.

The Creator of the earth calmed the wind and waves for men with a lack of faith.

The Owner of all creation applauded the meager gift of the poor widow who gave all for love of God, while rejecting the rich, pompous, powerful man whose large donations and loud boasting glorified himself.

When I "like" an op-ed that labels people as "snowflakes", are those immature, poorly educated college students seeing the face of Christ?

When I share a meme poking fun at "liberal logic", are my left leaning friends seeing the face of Christ?

When I share articles characterizing all illegal immigrants as rapists and murders, or refugees as potential terrorists, do my Mexican and Syrian neighbors see the face of Christ?

When out of fear I remove my girls from the bathroom being used by a transgender individual, does that image-bearer of God, see the outstretched, loving, and welcoming arms of Christ?

When I cheer bombs being dropped on Muslim men, women, and children, do they see the Son of God hanging on a cross for them?

I am in no way saying we should avoid anything that could offend others. The truth is always offensive. Real love is offensive. Christ was offensive - which is why He died.  But...

We are to be wise as serpents, and gentle as doves. We are to speak the truth in love. We are to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  We are to look beyond the outward appearance, and look on the heart. We are to offer water to the adulteress at the well. We are to stop the mob's justice and point them to their own need for justification. We are to teach and train the children and immature. We are to heal those arresting us. We are to pray for those killing us.

We are to be the face of Christ in a world that does not know Him.

If we are not laying down our lives, we are not pointing to His.

Normalizing Normal

The question of what is "normal" has come to the fore front over the last decade as our culture and laws have grasped on to ideas and behaviors that have traditionally been seen as abnormal. Within the Christian community, especially the Evangelical and conservative communities, there is a lot of talk about preventing sin from becoming "normalized" in the minds and hearts of our children. Just ask about the newest live-action "Beauty and the Beast" and tempers begin flaring over how much children should be exposed to and how much popular culture is trying "normalize" behavior and attitudes rejected by traditional Christianity.

I've sat back, listened, and wondered - What exactly is "normal"? And what, as Christians, are we supposed to consider "normal"?  Is submission and adherence to traditional Judeo-Christian values really what is "normal"?

None is righteous, no, not one;

no one understands;

no one seeks for God.

All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;

no one does good,

not even one."  (Romans 3:10-12 ESV)

Over and over again in scripture, we are told all of Creation groans under the oppressive weight of sin. All of mankind is "dead in the trespasses and sin....we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind."  (Eph 2: 1, 3)  The more I read scripture, the more I realize, it is sin that is normal. 

We don't like that. We don't like that our normal state is one of sin - drunkenness, lying, cheating, murder, selfishness, extra-marital sex, homosexuality, transgender, lazy, idolatrous, blasphemous, lawlessness. That is the "normal" human condition. That is not the way mankind was created, but because of Sin, it is what is normal. In our completely natural, God-free state, that is who we are. In our normal condition, we reject everything God created us to be, and live in the passions of our flesh. We were born searching for happiness and purpose, driven by our passions and feelings to find it where ever and how ever we can. 

Yet the natural human state leaves us feeling unfulfilled. Those passions of flesh feel good for a time, but leave us wanting more, or different. As Christians, we know that fullness of life only comes from God, so we have "normalized" Christian values. We have spent decades preaching if you go to church, follow the 10 Commandments, sing "Just As I Am", deny the passions within you, and "turn to Jesus", God will find you and save you. If you run from sin, God will save you. 

The most devastating part of this, is it is a lie. We can live "good" lives. We can avoid much of the heartache and devastation sin brings. We can feel happy, and content, and prosperous. We feel good about helping the poor, keeping the 10 Commandments, and practicing the Sermon on the Mount. We can avoid all the "big", obvious sins. The lie is easy to live with. It creates a nice, yet dangerous, front that allows us to ignore the truth. In working to avoid our normal human condition, we reject the Gospel. 

The Gospel is not easy. The Gospel begins with one basic premise - We are all trapped in sin that feels good and appeals to our natural nature.  The entire Old Testament law proves we are incapable of escaping sin. The law was given to teach us what sin is (Romans 3:20)  - not to teach us how to avoid it. We have no problem sinning. We have no means, on our own, of stopping. (Though we certainly do a great job of thinking we can!)  The first thing the Gospel demands, is the painful recognition that we are all dirty, hopeless, destitute, and dead in sin. The first step of Gospel living, is recognizing I am no different than the worse of all sinners. It is realizing dealing with the "exclusively gay moment" in Beauty in the Beast may be uncomfortable not because it is normalizing sin in my mind, but because it taps into a "normal" part of me that I don't want to look at.  It is reading history, and recognizing that except by the grace of God, I am the slave owner. It is watching a passionate movie scene, and acknowledging part of me wants that.  The Law shows us that what is normal and desirable, is not acceptable in the eyes of God. 

That is where the hope of the Gospel jumps in. Sin has been conquered, and we no longer have to be slaves to our normal nature. WE become abnormal. It is not the non-believers who are different from us. WE are different from them. We are the abnormal. 

So where does that leave us when navigating through a world that is increasingly accepting of its natural condition? 

First, we need to recognize that generations of "normalizing" Judeo-Christian values within the culture has led us to this place. What we are seeing, is the world standing up and saying "This is who we are!"  After generations of enslavement to laws and traditions, the world is simply being what it naturally is. It is throwing off the chains of religion. We have been born this way, and it isn't a choice.  When we understand the depths of the power of sin, we should not be surprised when it rises up. We should not be shocked by sin. If we are shocked by it, it is because we do not comprehend its power. 

Second,  We need to remember - We are the abnormal.  Through Christ we are "new creations".  The Holy Spirit is "normalizing" in us what is not natural. It means the world should be shocked by us. It should be shocked by the love, grace, compassion, humility, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control, and self-sacrifice of the Holy Spirit working through us. We should be shocking. We should stand out. We should be counter-culture. Our lives should be so controlled by Christ, His death, and His resurrection, that the rest of the world takes notice - not because of the laws we demand it lives by, but because of the freedom we have to be everything it can't. The world should be shocked by the power of God within us. The world should take notice not because I demand movies, books, television, and laws conform to a God it doesn't acknowledge,  but because I am free to say, "Yes. I want to do that too, but I have something that is bigger, better, and more satisfying. I do not need to act naturally to have real joy, peace, and purpose."

Third - We need to take a very hard look at what we mean as individuals and parents by "normalizing sin".  As Christian parents, our deepest desire for our children is Christ. We want them to so desire and long for Him, that their hearts will never be satisfied until they are sitting in His presence. It takes much wisdom and discernment, and knowing each individual child, to know when we are teaching and training in righteousness, and when are we over-protecting them from the truth of the sin-filled world they live in. Are we protecting immature hearts and minds, or denying who we are outside of Christ? Are we trying to demonstrate a more glorious way, or are we hiding from the harsh reality of a fallen world?  It is hard, it is devastating, it is ugly, and it is violent, to show our children who they naturally are, who we naturally are, and what the world around them naturally is. Are we standing in the way of them experiencing their need for Christ?  Do our believing children know that the only difference between them and the "sinner" is Christ? Are they so shocked by sin, that they fail to see the tragedy of a life without God? Are we protecting our unbelieving children from their own nature to the point they are not being driven to the cross?  Do they need to see and experience normal to realize they were created for so much more than this? Is it when we step out of the way, that they will find themselves at the foot of the cross? 

Could it be, that in "normalizing sin", we can better demonstrate Christ to the world, our children, and ourselves? 

Joy Inexpressible

It has been well over a year since my last blog. The last year and a half have been very dark for me, and most days found me struggling to just get out of bed. A very long deployment put me in a place of having to confront many of my own deepest demons, leaving me exhausted and depleted.

I can't say I've fully recuperated. Or that I'm back on top of everything. Or that I'm not still struggling. Or that simply leaving the house continues to take a lot of emotional energy.

But......

Last night I watched a small miracle in my home, and my heart is so full it just may burst.

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, 

if necessary,

you have been grieved by various trials,

so that the tested genuineness of your faith-

more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-

may be found to result in praise and  

glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Though you have not seen him, you love him

Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,

obtaining the outcome of your faith,

the salvation of your souls.

I Peter 1: 6-9

Exactly what happened isn't what I want to focus on. It is the joy, inexpressible joy, of watching God take grief, darkness, trials, tribulations, loneliness, fear and anxiety and use it to produce something amazing and beautiful. Something that many years ago I stopped daring to hope I'd actually see this side of Heaven. 

I have children to wake and new friends to meet this morning, so I must stop. But I needed to share this morning, especially for those of you who are going through times of darkness and despair..

While we are promised to see His joy in Heaven, at times He allows us a small glimpse of it here on earth. 

And it makes every thing worth it. 

So take heart. Look up from those dark places and know He is doing a work that is more than you can bear to hope for. 

Homesick at Home

Our weekend began a few hours earlier than expected when my phone sprang to life. The living room resounded with cheers of "Daddy!!" as I opened this picture:

Over the course of the afternoon we got that wonderful first phone call, and a furry of text messages passed across 3,000 miles of land and ocean. Needless to say, school was done for the day.  As I later sat at track practice, I was blessed to "see" what he was as he passed by sites and landmarks, sending me pictures of places he has wanted to visit his entire life. Our 3 year old sat next to me, begging to "text Daddy" and "see Daddy's ship", while I struggled to understand what I was feeling. Soon I found myself settling her in on bleachers with a coloring book, while I grabbed my phone and walked the track as fast as I could, struggling to keep back the tears that were overwhelming me.  After several weeks of no contact, why was I so incredibly sad, in mourning even?

No matter how excited I was for him, how eager I was for each text and picture, and impatient for an actual phone call, I was overwhelmed with grief. All those positive emotions were being overwhelmed with the feeling that I wasn't where I belong. I should have been next to him. I belong with him. He is my other half and instead of sharing these exciting moments, seeing the look on his face as dreams became realities, I was 3,000 miles away watching a group of sweaty kids run around in circles. In that moment, I would have given up everything else, to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I love our children, but he holds first place in my heart.

Trying to distract myself from how I was feeling, I sent him several pictures of our children's practice. I got this text in response:

That's where I'd rather be.

I've struggled all weekend, with my heart walking around halfway around the world on sandy beaches, while I failed miserably at trying to live in the cold place God has placed me. It was during worship this morning, I began to understand. 

I was right. I am not where I belong. There is a very real sense, that my husband and I are one. We belong together, sharing life together - all the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. I should be with him. I promised him and God on our wedding day that I would always be with him. Yet, where we have been called does not allow me to fulfill that promise, at least in a physical sense. I have a task here, and he there, that while singular in purpose, keep us from each other. 

Where I find myself in my marriage right now, is a place similar to where we live with God. I am His and He is mine. I have been created to walk with Him, to live with Him and have perfect fellowship with Him.  He also longs for my companionship and to love me with His everlasting love. But, that is not where we live. We live on a sin-filled earth that keeps us from walking with God the way we were created to. Instead of living with Him in the perfect garden He created for us, we live in a cold world with heartache, difficult responsibilities and separated from the One for whom our hearts long. He also longs for the day we will live with Him, perfectly, with nothing separating us from His arms. He longs for it so much, He left His Paradise, and gave up everything to purchase our passage back. We do not live where we belong.

I live with the daily hope that I will one day be back in my husband's arms; one day, we can live life together again, and there will be other dreams we can together watch become realities. I wake up each morning, and go to bed each night knowing he loves me, and would rather be with me and the mundane crazy of large family life, than at his tropic ports. One day, I will watch him walk down a long hallway, and will be in his arms where I belong. More importantly every Christian lives with the reassurance that we will one day be in our Savior's arms. That every heartache, tear, frustration and longing is a reflection of His longing for His children to be safely back home where they belong - back where we can walk together in the cool of the evening, working side by side without strain, pain, or longing. One day, He will come to bring us Home.

Both of those days, cannot come fast enough! 

Thanks-giving in Everything

Rejoice always,

 pray without ceasing, 

give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

(1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 - ESV)

Daily, I am reminded of all the ways God has blessed me and my family. How can I not be? We have been given more, and entrusted with more, than most people in all of history could even conceive. Yet, it is so easy to complain and focus on those things in life that are challenging, annoying and painful. This morning I was putting together our "Deployment Wall" - a space dedicated to keeping connected with our Daddy as he traverses the globe this year. As I was hanging the world map and Daddy Mail Box, the above verse from I Thessalonians came to mind. I began thinking of many of the challenges life has brought us, big and little, and quietly I began hearing that Still Quiet Voice reminding me of how He has used each.  I wanted to share some with you, praying God will use them to help you also "give thanks in all circumstances"

1 - Our drafty, cold house: Our new home is older, and we haven't had the chance to do some weather proofing yet. Nights have been cold. Stockinged toes quickly begin tingling on the hard wood floors. But, we have a home and one that more than meets our needs. It also meets many of our desires, and has a few perks thrown in.  We are not living on the streets, or in a refugee camp, or in tents. We have heat and extra blankets. We have a home we can share with others. 

2 - Spills, Interruptions, and Legos:  Our home is rarely quiet. My days are spent cleaning up messes, stepping on and over toys, refereeing arguments, and wishing for a hot cup of coffee with the book collecting dust on the shelf. But  - with each spill comes wam hugs; with each argument comes an opportunity to show grace; with each toy out of place comes the privilege of sharing with and serving others. Each interruption is an opportunity to love another human with the love Christ has shown me. That book collecting dust? I have a book I am capable of reading that can collect dust! 

3 - The Opportunity to be a Single Parent: First, I have been blessed to be a parent, and a parent to many children. So many women long, beg and pray for the blessing of children that came so easily for us. This upcoming experience of parenting alone is temporary (by God's grace!). Unlike so many moms who have been forced into single parenting, with no expectation of ever having a help-mate, our Daddy should eventually come home. He is not leaving voluntarily, because he is giving up on us, or pursuing selfish interests, or because he found something or someone new and more exciting, but because he has been called to an amazing task that will take him away for a period of time. Our Daddy has the privilege of serving our God and country in a way that is reflective of Christ's life - willingly and voluntarily offering it all for God's glory and the betterment of mankind. In the mean time, I can learn lessons that God may use to bless other moms in similar situations. I will have the opportunity to lean on Him in ways I wouldn't otherwise. 

4 - Our Miscarried Child:  I don't talk about him. In fact, until this blog, there are very few people who even know about him. We didn't know he existed until we lost him, because even modern medicine missed his arrival. I will miss the 4 year old face that won't be at the table tomorrow. I will miss buying him presents for Christmas and watching him open them. I will miss celebrating his 5th birthday this spring and helping him draw pictures for Daddy. But - I was blessed to be his Mommy for a few short weeks, even if I didn't even know it at the time. His loss makes me appreciate my 6 other children all the more. He showed me how fragile life can be and how much it should be cherished. He has allowed me to better mourn with those who mourn. He has given me one more reason to eagerly anticipate my final homecoming, when I will finally be able to hold and hug him. 

5 - Broken Relationships:  Broken relationships are devastating, and I've had several over the last few years. Particulars aren't important, but there was a time I didn't think I would survive the experience. Though I never want to experience the worse of it again, I have been gifted remarkable healing and restoration. I have been given a glimpse of the depth and power of God's love and grace, and the opportunity to extend it to others. Though not every relationship has as yet seen restoration, I have hope that it is possible. Not just possible, but that the other end can be more wonderful than the beginning. 

I'd encourage you to find your Thanksgivings in the painful parts of your life. God has incredible healing and hope in store for all who "give thanks in all circumstances". We don't know what the next year has in store, but it could be, that learning to give thanks for all of the past and present, is preparation and a source of strength for the future. 

This song, and the truths and promises in it, carried me through the darkest times. Sometimes His grace does come through raindrops and His healing can come through tears....