Sitting in a quiet house this morning, Bible open and sipping a cup of coffee - with tears streaming down my face. My heart breaking for a dear friend, knowing there isn't anything practical I can do for her from thousands of miles away. Yet more than anything this morning I long to give her a big hug and a helping hand.
You see, she is living in the place I have lived for so long. A place very few people seem to understand, or are willing to talk about. A place that God seems to be calling many of His daughters. A place of extreme loneliness, exhaustion and being overwhelmed. A place where the Church, should be stepping up to help, but more often than not meets us with insensitivity, worn out platitudes and cliches.
Its extreme motherhood.
A growing number of Christian woman are feeling called to a life that bucks society. We have felt called to trust God with the shape, size and make-up of our families. We feel called to educate these children at home. For many of us, we have been called to live away from family and friends. We have a deep desire to help others, to teach Sunday School, volunteer at nursing homes, lead worship, and organize Operation Christmas Child drives.
And for many of us, our husbands have been called to jobs, both secular and full-time ministry, that keep them from home.
So we live for months, and even years, with little to no sleep, the responsibility of Mom, Dad, teacher, administrator, doctor, chef, housekeeper, taxi driver, gardener, mechanic, handy-man, etc..., etc..., etc... Homeschool co-ops (for that all important "socialization") require we volunteer and teach. Churches call us to lead VBS, volunteer in the nursery, shuttle kids to children's programs and youth events, and cook meals for other families.
And we crash. We fall apart. We reach the end of our rope. And there is no one there.
Too many times I've had older women tell me, "Someday you will look back on these days and miss them." Except now, several year out of the baby-stage, I can't remember them. I don't remember the cuddle time, the coos, the first steps, the first words, the first smiles. I can't tell my children about how their siblings gave them hugs in the hospital, or their first trip to the zoo, or what they did with their first birthday cake. I was so tired then, that I can't remember those sweet moments now. They are gone. And that breaks my heart.
I've been told, "Just put them into public school" - Put them into public school and reject the calling of God to homeschool them? For some people, homeschooling is a choice. Public schooling is a choice. Private school is a choice For me, homeschooling has been a calling I can't ignore, even when I've wanted to. Even when I've needed to! It isn't an option, it is what God is calling me to do.
I've been told "Having all these children was your choice" -The idea that I have full and complete control over the new lives God may use me to create and raise is a lie. God will create life when He wants. For some people that means they may never have children. Some may have one or two. For others, it means we have numerous children - sometimes despite all modern medicine has to offer. I've even had "Christians" suggest I should kill an unborn child. I don't know why God gives some of us more than others, but He does. And while they are each a blessing from Him, IT IS HARD. Each child bring more joy, and more responsibility.
I've been told, "Just spend more time in the Word and Praying. God will give you what you need." I try, we all try. But the 60 seconds we may have between crying babies, spelling lists, and toddlers playing in the toilet doesn't fill an empty soul. We barely have the strength to send up pleas for help in those moments when it feels as if everything is falling apart. Those few quiet moments we may have for real conversation with our Heavenly Father results in us falling asleep on our knees in exhaustion. I've been turned away from more than one bible study because I come with school aged children during the day, and a van load of many children in the evening - and I have no one to help with childcare.
"Your husband should be helping more." He's tired too! Our men work hard, often long hours, away from home to provide for us and minister to others. For a long time my husband worked 80 and 90 hour weeks, at one point at 2 different jobs, so that we could barely make ends meet. He didn't have friends. He rarely slept. He skipped meals so that the children and I had enough to eat. He spent every waking moment serving God and others - yet church members would complain he wasn't doing enough and family complained he wasn't home enough. Encouragement often came with strings attached.
More than anything, I want fellow Christians to hear and understand and see the cries of women like me, sitting in your pews, volunteering in your Sunday Schools, driving youth to ministry events. We are tired - no, we are beyond exhaustion. We are broken. We are barely hanging on in this life God has called us to - and the one place we should be able to turn to for help and comfort on this journey is often the place where more is demanded of us. Often, it is the place we can least honest about what we are dealing with.
It doesn't take much. I will be forever grateful for the woman who came to my house every week, took all our laundry, and returned a couple days later with piles of clean, folded and ironed clothes. I love the grandmas, grandpas and young adults in our church who volunteer in the nursery and teach Sunday School, so that I can have an hour, once a week, with my Savior. I am thankful for the woman sitting behind me in church, who came, took my fussy infant and got her to sleep so I could sooth a melting down toddler and help my elementary child find the sermon text in her Bible. The woman who put her arms around me and just let me cry, acknowledging that this is hard, overwhelming and humanly impossible, is one of the biggest blessings of my life. I will never forget the dad who took my son to a soccer game with his, because our Dad was busy serving us and others so couldn't do it himself or the man who would share his season tickets to the Bears, and the elders who allowed him to leave church early, so my husband could have an afternoon "off".
There will be a day, which is quickly approaching, in which I will be able to lend the helping hand and do the extra laundry. I am reaching the point where I can be that shoulder to cry on or a babysitter for an afternoon so mom can sleep - or run errands in peace. Right now, I can write this little blog and ask, no beg, my family in Christ, to step in and help us in this super-human calling God has given us.
I can't help my friend today. I'm too far away and still in the midst of it all myself - but maybe you can.
No comments:
Post a Comment